As anyone watching “The Timeless Children” will have spotted, we now no longer know how many past regenerations of the Doctor there may have been. She certainly has no idea herself, and it looks as if some kind of secret society has been tinkering with her past lives to eradicate her memory of each incarnation as it ends.
This leaves us with an interesting thought. Given that the Doctor’s life span predates the Time Lords, and that Gallifreyans have existed for far longer than humans, and that they can travel in time and space, it’s not inconceivable that there are loads of incarnations of the Doctor dotted all over the universe. In fact, it’s feasible that any one of us could be an unknown Doctor, only without the TARDIS or the sonic screwdriver or the wanderlust.
But how would we find out? Well, how about a personality quiz? Answer these 10 questions honestly, do the sums at the end and who knows, you could just turn out to be a Time Lord.
1. You receive an email suggesting that your internet provider has suspended your account. What do you do?
a. Destroy your laptop.
b. Send them a computer virus back.
c. Click on all the links, fill in all the forms, just to see what happens.
d. Click on the links but only give fake information.
e. Check the email address, spot that it’s not from a legitimate source, then delete the email.
2. You are ordering a coffee and the barista asks for a name. What do you say?
a. “That will not be necessary.”
b. “You can call me Sir/Ma’am (delete as appropriate).”
c. “Oh, just shout ‘oi!’ and I’ll come over.”
d. “Let me just check the mirror and I’ll tell you.”
e. “My name is [insert your name].”
3. Which of these is your most recognizable feature?
a. Your voice
b. Your sense of style
c. Your eyes
d. Your ability to blend in
e. Your compassion
4. People who know you well would describe you as…?
e. Down to Earth
5. Who is your favorite rock star?
b. Marilyn Manson
c. David Bowie
d. Elvis Presley
e. Chris Martin of Coldplay
6. It’s Halloween. What are you looking for in a costume?
a. Something that distracts people while I take their candy.
b. The uniform of someone in authority, but make it sexy.
c. A hotchpotch of stuff I found on the floor.
d. A costume like everyone else has.
e. Something that makes me unrecognizable to my friends.
7. What line of work suits you best?
a. Armed forces
b. Local government
c. Emergency services
d. Something inconspicuous, like washing dishes.
e. I’m very flexible, I can turn my hand to most things.
8. Who is your favorite Spice Girl?
9. Whenever you arrive in a new place, what’s your first thought?
a. "I could have done a better job."
b. "Look how vulgar everything is."
c. "Oh my word, what is THAT?"
d. "I hope everyone likes me."
e. "This doesn’t feel like home."
10. And finally, who are you most looking forward to spending your birthday with?
a. My coworkers
c. My best friends
d. My neighbors
e. My family
Now it’s time for the fiddly bit (warning: math required):
If you answered A to a question, give yourself 5 points
If you answered B, give yourself 4 points
If you answered C, give yourself 3 points
If you answered D, give yourself 2 points
If you answered E, give yourself 1 point.
Add up the scores and check your result.
40 – 50. You’re secretly a Dalek puppet.
Oh sure, once upon a time you were a fully functioning, complex being with idiosyncrasies and a lust for life, but somehow recently you’ve been getting less and less tolerant and more and more interested in taking over and recasting everything in your own image. Check the mirror for blue forehead stalks, will you?
30 – 39. You’re secretly the Master.
You have a gaping void inside. No attention will ever be enough, no dastardly plan will ever make you happy, and you have a terrible habit of leaving big gaping flaws in everything you do. Other people always seem to find a way to undo your schemes, leaving you with egg on your face, and that’s just infuriating. Steer clear of drums.
20 – 29. You’re secretly the Doctor.
If you ever find yourself doing something helpful for someone with no expectation of reward, while battling a puzzling case of déjà vu, it might be because you’re one of the many previous incarnations of the Doctor that no one knows about. Then again, you might just be nice.
10 – 19. You’re secretly a Zygon.
Dark secrets are hard to keep in the modern age. And that sense of potential ruin waiting around the next corner can overshadow anyone’s enjoyment of their day-to-day life. Zygons — shape-shifters who are literally uglier on the inside — must spend their days in a constant state of hyper-vigilance in case their attempts to remain hidden are found out. If that is you, might we suggest mindfulness or yoga?
And if you score 1 – 9, you were you all along. Keep up the good work!