Los Angeles: City of Dreams
L.A., land of the free! The American Bollywood. Let me just say, I love Hollywood. It’s so lovely and sunny and people are so tanned and shiny. Lots of them even have a bosom the size of Nanny’s. It really is the most marvelous place. We got talking to a chap who told us that loads of people in L.A. have plastic surgery to keep them looking tight and shiny. Poppy and I found this concept fascinating. Imagine if you could put some of Mother’s teeth back in her head and slim down her liver. Oh, the possibilities! So off we went to meet a chap who had been performing cosmetic procedures for over 30 years, but honestly he didn’t look a day over 25. It was very confusing. We were interested to find out what was available, procedure wise, as Poppy was left a separate fund for cosmetic surgery by Daddy in case she didn’t end up talented. Thankfully Poppy won’t have to use it, but maybe old Georgie could get something spruced up? I have always wanted longer hair. Either that or Mummy perhaps could use it. Though frankly, I’d be scared to bring it up. Another thing I noticed was that a lot of the people here look the same. Maybe they are all spares? 'Who for, though,' you think to yourself. Still, the Carltons can capitalize on this. Seeing as we are unusual-looking in Hollywood eyes, we may be able to corner a new market. So off we went to see a big-shot Hollywood agent. And what can I say? It went really well! Poppy and I did some quite inspiring modernist theatre. Poppy played Romeo, and I, Juliet. Can you imagine?! I think we really knocked the agent’s socks off, although he did try to play it cool. We’re just waiting for him to get in touch and let us know what upcoming films we can star in. Maybe I’ll call him again later and just re-spell my email address to him in case he jotted it down wrong. We also went for a lovely bicycle ride around an area called Beverly Hills. Now that name always makes me laugh. We had a swimming instructor called Beverly Hill at Eton, and whenever she lifted her arms overhead to demonstrate a stroke you could very clearly see her sponge. Anyway, this Beverly Hills was quite posh, lots of houses that you’re not supposed to see, big gates, etc. A bit naff if I’m honest. In the midst of all that ostentatious rabble, the most interesting building was an old public lavatory once visited by a certain George Michael. I shan’t spoil the story. Let’s just say probably wise to keep a cold spoon handy if you’re going to use the facilities, just in case anything unwanted pops through into your cubicle. Until next time!