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Catherine Tate as Lauren Cooper
Catherine Tate as Lauren Cooper
Catherine Tate as Lauren Cooper

Tomorrow night (6/6, and 10pm/9c) BBCAMERICA is showing the first episode of the unorthodox zombie teen drama In the Flesh, which features a young man called Keiron, who suffers from partially-deceased syndrome.

Being dead has got to put a blight on your teenage years, right? I mean you may believe yourself to have suffered during that most testing of times, but clearly being a zombie, even a relatively sentient one, beats being dumped just before prom, or that time you fell over in front of your crush and your friends laughed. Or even the year no one spoke to you except the school janitor.

Still, here are five British teens (or collections thereof) that would want to argue they have it worse than anyone ever. Which is, like, SO typical.

Kevin The Teenager – The Harry Enfield Television Programme

Poor Kevin. A slave to hormonal impulse, stuck in a body that does not obey his commands and cursed with a preposterously short temper. The only thing his parents can console themselves with is the sure knowledge that he will cringe about his own teenage awfulness for the rest of his natural life. They just have to get through this rough patch first.

Hermione Granger – Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1

It’s bad enough that Hermione has to be an unpopular swot during her teenage years,  that’s a heavy cross to carry, but to have to erase herself from her parents’ memories, before she is even 20? That’s harsh. Naturally she does it with the minimum of fuss, because that’s who she is, but somehow her stoicism is even more upsetting to watch than a full tantrum.

Everyone – Misfits

Teenagers often think they know it all. So how do they react when a downpour of massive hailstorms suddenly gives them supernatural powers? Well they start by killing the social worker that has been trying to kill them, and then they start copping off with one another, and arguing. Rooms are not suddenly supernaturally tidied, is my point.

Lauren Cooper – The Catherine Tate Show

It’s a shame that the public understanding of Catherine Tate’s perpetually unimpressed teenage creation is that she’s just a rude girl to grownups. Some Lauren’s best moments come from the mistakes she makes when trying to fit in, and her catch-phrase, “am I bothered?” works best when she’s on the back foot and trying to front her way out. We’ve all been there.

Adrian Mole – The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole (Aged 13 3/4)

Adrian is a kind of male Hermione Granger, only far less accomplished academically, or a precurser to Will from The Inbetweeners. He fancies himself as an intellectual, a cut above the hoi polloi. Sadly he does not attend an academy that recognises his gift to humanity, he goes to a state school. But he does keep a very intense diary, in which his profound (and, let’s be fair, sometimes disgracefully unprofound) thoughts are stored.

I bet we forgot someone, didn’t we? OH FINE!

Tell us here, if you HAVE TO: 

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By Fraser McAlpine