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A Dalek. Is this you?
A Dalek. Is this you?

It’s a worry most of us have to tackle in our lives. What with the spiralling pressures of modern life, the drive towards technological answers to non-technological problems and a marked decline in common courtesy, are we in danger of leaving behind our innate humanity and taking a form which is closer to that of Skaro’s most hated export?

There’s only one way find out. With a quiz!

1: You look out of your window and notice that the old back garden fence has been replaced by your neighbours. But they seem to have moved it a couple of inches into your flower bed. What do you do?

A: Pop next door and calmly ask them to consider moving the fence back to where it was.

B: Pop next door and explain that this constitutes an unwarranted change in the boundary of your property, and unless reparations are made, you’ll have to inform the local authorities.

C: Pop next door and EXTERMINATE!

2: You’re waiting in the line at the grocery store, doing a week’s shopping, and suddenly this guy comes up, waving a pack of chewing gum and asking to cut in. You can see he’s hiding a full basket of groceries behind him. What do you do?

A: Let him in the line. It’s nice to do favors for strangers.

B: Politely decline, pointing out that he’s trying to pull a fast one.

C: Point at the basket, look quizzically at him through your eyestalk, and EXTERMINATE!

3: The family are coming over for Thanksgiving. What do you tend to talk about during dinner?

A: The things you are thankful for, after a difficult year.

B: The things you always talk about: the same tetchy conversations you’ve had since you were little.

C: The invasion, conversion or destruction of every life form in the universe, including microscopic organisms.

4: Time for a night out with friends. What are you drinking?

A: A beer. Then another beer.

B: A day-glo cocktail of some sort.


5: On the way out of your house this morning, you notice a gang of kids surrounding a smaller child, who is crying, having been knocked over by the largest of the gang. What do you do?

A: Walk around the corner, then call the police. Let them sort it out.

B: Walk over and shout at the biggest kid, they’re all cowards.


6: A close friend (or beloved family member) has just announced they are getting married. What kind of gift would you like to offer the happy couple?

A: Something nice, within my budget, from the wedding list.

B: Something nice and personal I have chosen myself.


7: You’re at a party and someone suggests karaoke. What do you do?

A: Politely decline. There’s no way you’re going to humiliate yourself in public, and anyway you can’t sing.

B: Throw yourself headlong at the microphone, demanding the loudest and biggest power ballad in the history of recorded sound.


8: What’s your favorite British TV show?

A: Merlin

B: Top Gear

C: The first half of most Doctor Who stories.

9: Let’s play a word association game: what three words come to mind if I say the word community?

A: Family, home, friends

B: College, work, society


10: And finally, what would most like to do when you retire?

A: Spend my days reading and pottering around the house.

B: Charity work to help those less fortunate than myself.

C: Pest control. Specifically anything that is not a Dalek. PS: EXTERMINATE!

And here are the results. Select the appropriate paragraph and find out who you really are:

If you answered mostly As: 

You’re a very calm and tidy person. You like to keep things in perspective and not jump to an emotional response every time something happens. You worry that this means people find you to be a little cold, but your close friends know you have a heart of pure gold.

If you answered mostly Bs:

You’re lead by your heart far more than your head. This sometimes means you find yourself in situations that you would rather not have, but it makes you a very warm and approachable person, and besides, you can’t seem to rein in those impulses, Your close friends realise this and love you for it.

If you answered mostly Cs:

You’re a Dalek. You have been genetically bred so that you have no emotions except hatred, and your close friends, who are also Daleks, hate you for it, But that’s OK, you hate them too… and everything else in the universe, including puppies, cotton candy and rainbows.

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By Fraser McAlpine