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Ringo and friends

It seems British celebrities are not quite as reserved as they may have you believe, especially when faced with a massive wad of notes.

1: David Bowie Drinks David Bowie’s Bottle Of Water, Bought By David Bowie, For David Bowie

“Oh COME ON!” shrieks David Bowie, “I wrote ‘David Bowie’ on it, so everyone, including David Bowie and David Bowie, would know it was mine.”

“Chill out, David Bowie,” answers David Bowie, “I’ll nip out and get you and David Bowie another one from the shops.”

Oh, actually…. Have you got any ch-ch-ch-ch-change?”

2: The Rolling Stones give Rice Krispies the blues

Who knew breakfast time could be quite so shrill? Can you use Rice Krispies as earplugs?

3: Ringo Gets The Band Back Together, For Pizza

I didn’t say which band, did I? D’AW THAT’S THE CLEVER TWIST!

Oh and for the record, the cheese is not limited to the pizza in this astonishing atrocity.

4: Dusty Springfield: Literally The Best Thing Since Sliced Bread

Another ’60s shrillathon, in which poor Dusty – singer of musical astonishments like Son of a Preacher Man and I Only Wanna Be With You, has to sell us on the idea of toast. Don’t get me wrong, I am very peckish right now, but still…

5: Duran Duran Attempt To Sell Whisky To Japanese Dolls

Possibly the most disturbing thing you will ever see. The only way this promotes whiskey is if it’s drunk through the eye, in order to burn out the visual cortex, rather than risk seeing it again. Has it gone? Please, please tell me now! (etc)…

Any further examples? Tell us here:

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By Fraser McAlpine