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Guess who’s over here trying to cash in on her newfound Britain’s Got Talent fame here in the States? It ain’t Susan Boyle. She’s otherwise engaged.

Nope, it’s judge Amanda Holden, who is currently darkening the doorstep of every TV studio from NYC to La Jolla. I suppose if Simon Cowell and god-forsaken Piers Morgan can come over and become household names, why can’t Amanda Holden? She’s a lot cuter and looks hot in a purple, skintight gown. And she’s mad flexible, as she demonstrates to Gordon Ramsay in this clip:

Nice. I’m starting to see a pattern with her: Amanda Holden doesn’t like to wear pants, does she?

And she fits right in over here, as she’s already very comfortable saying silly things on television. For instance, she says Susan Boyle has “no underlying mental issues”: “I understand that we’ve spoken to her doctors and they really have reassured us that there are no underlying mental issues and it purely is just that she’s knackered, for want of a better word.” Yeah, she’s just really, really tired and has to go to a £3,000-a-week rehab clinic to take a nap. Don’t feed me bull*** and call it sticky pudding, Amanda.

  • More on Susan Boyle’s “collapse” from The Sun: “The singer, dramatically beaten in Saturday’s thrilling telly final, lashed out verbally at producers while in hiding at a London hotel. Then the star, who had wept all day, passed out in her bedroom – sparking frantic calls for a doctor.”

  • Even Britain’s culture secretary is speaking out about Susan’s treatment. Isn’t that a bit like Robert Gibbs issuing a statement on Spencer and Heidi‘s treatment on I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here? A bit out of his jurisdiction…(Guardian)
  • The official trailer for Robert Pattinson‘s Twilight sequel, New Moon.
  • Paul McCartney + Jennifer Aniston = McAniston? (The Sun)
  • In The Guardian, Alan McGee says George Michael is an unsung genius and deserves a re-assessment: “Faith (the album) was classic pop. It found Michael moving into Brian Wilson Pet Sounds territory. Seriously – Michael co-produced, wrote all the songs, played most of the instruments and sang backing vocals and harmonies. Faith could have been ‘pop star ego gone wild’ but it wasn’t. Instead it became an instant classic, standing alongside other albums released in 1987, namely: Sonic Youth‘s Sister, The Cure‘s Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me, and Prince‘s Sign o’ the Times.”
  • Also in The Guardian: Stuart Murdoch writes a dour, self-deprecating article about how no one wants to listen to Belle and Sebastian.
  • NSFW: Lily Allen‘s nipple comes out for a little sun during her video shoot.(The Sun)
  • Leona Lewis‘ dress is nearly malfunctioning as well. (The Sun)
  • BBC’s flagship UK broadcaster, BBC1, will not acquire any more American shows, opting for more original British content. (Variety)
  • The Stage alerts us to a website that calls itself the “Online Encylopedia of British Comedy.”
  • Chantelle, Big Brother contestant and former Paris Hilton impersonator, thinks Jordan is “trashy” and that Peter Andre should get custody of the kids. “She tried to settle down but she couldn’t – I think there’s that thing inside that makes her slam those shots down her neck and get her boobs out.” (Daily Mail)
  • Will Peter Andre be the next houseguest at The Priory? (Mirror)
  • Dannii Minogue has agreed to return to X Factor only after a pay raise. (Daily Mail)
  • Wow, The Daily Mail is still taking potshots at Kate Winslet – even though she’s suing them for defamation.
  • Is the Amy Winehouse Death Watch back on? (Daily Mail)
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By Kevin Wicks
Kevin Wicks is the founding editor of Anglophenia.