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The Daily Telegraph‘s Adrian Bridge reviews Amy Winehouse‘s “big comeback performance” in St. Lucia, which was, apparently, a debacle:

The vocal inadequacy was accompanied by increasingly strange antics. Winehouse kept taking off and putting on her high heeled cream-colored shoes. She greedily swigged down a steady supply of drinks. She threw a piece of chewed gum into the crowd. She repeatedly raised her short blue dress to expose her knickers. Further dramas came in the form of a heavy downpour and a lighting failure – two songs were sung in the dark. Twice she collapsed into the arms of one of her male backing singers…

No wants to see this happen to Amy. Unlike other pop star crash-and-burns, Amy’s downfall isn’t tinged with schadenfreude. We want her to get her act together. We all knew Back To Black was just a hint of what she’s capable of. But that major breakthrough doesn’t seem in the cards. From the looks of it, we’ll more likely see a Whitney Houston album in ’09 than a new Amy Winehouse record.

One comment Amy made during her St. Lucia set is very telling. Bridge recalls, “Halfway through ‘Some Unholy War’ she called proceedings to a halt declaring, ‘Sorry, I’m bored.'” It sounds like she’s just not feelin’ it these days. Perhaps her record company is pressuring her, figuring she’ll be forgotten if she doesn’t capitalize on her Grammy success and continued goodwill. But I’m thinking she just needs to go away for a while. You can’t force the muse. How often does Sade put out an album? Every eight years or so? Yet she has repeatedly sprung back into the global consciousness. (It also helps that the lady doesn’t seem to age.) Amy needs a Sade-like eight-year nap. People will remember her; she’s an artist, and she’s that good.

In other news:

  • See, it’s not just BBCA: Susan Boyle had to have subtitles during her Oprah appearance due to her Scottish accent.(Daily Mail)

  • The bloody clothes John Lennon wore when he was murdered will be shown in a Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Annex display later this year.(BBC)
  • Bob Dylan went unrecognized while on a tour of John Lennon‘s childhood home. “The 67-year-old troubadour paid £16 for the public trip to the 1940s semi in Woolton, Liverpool, last week as his European tour called at the city. He was one of 14 tourists to examine photos and documents in the National Trust-owned home, where Lennon grew up with his aunt Mimi and uncle George. A National Trust spokeswoman said Dylan ‘appeared to enjoy himself’.” Dylan “enjoying himself” is the only part I don’t quite believe. (BBC)
  • Like adding garlic to tofu: Ne-Yo wants to “add a little bit of his spice” to James Blunt‘s music.(BBC)
  • Hollyoaks will undergo yet another big revamp at the end of this month.(The Times)
  • After announcing her marital split, Jordan has fled the country with kids in tow and sand on her boobs.(The Sun)
  • Stinky: Peter Andre is so torn up over his split with Jordan that he’s worn the same t-shirt two days in a row!(The Sun)
  • Jordan‘s “mystery man” says he’s gay.(The Sun)
  • Was an argument that aired on their reality show the beginning of the end of Jordan and Peter?(Daily Mail)
  • Watch Jordan “singing” one of her husband’s old pop hits while drunk off her arse.(Mirror)
  • Peter says he doesn’t “trust Jordan when she’s been drinking.”(Mirror)
  • Pet Shop Boys frontman Neil Tennant has a crush on Obama: “We’re crazy about Obama in Europe. We’re all Obama crazy. Everyone thinks he’s sexy. Lovely teeth, as my mother would say.”(Out)
  • Honor Blackman, a.k.a. Pussy Galore from Goldfinger, is 82 and still quite the minx.(Daily Record)
  • Joseph FIennes wears a big ugly nose for Cyrano de Bergerac. “There was this guy in a jeep the other day when I was sitting outside with it on, and as he drove past, he was really trying not to look but craning his neck out the car at the same time, so I yelled at him ‘Are you looking at my nose?’ He didn’t know what to do, and it definitely made him uncomfortable, so the nose is working.” (Telegraph)
  • Jonathan Ross invited Eminem over to look at comic books.(Daily Mail)
  • Cat Stevens (under his new name Yusuf Islam) has played his first Los Angeles show in 33 years.(Yahoo!)
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By Kevin Wicks
Kevin Wicks is the founding editor of Anglophenia.