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According to a report, Cowell was embarrassed by a student's artistic rendition of his man-rack while he was visiting an African school. "Cowell was laughing and joking with the children before one little girl came forward. According to the Mirror, he pointed at his chest in the picture and said: 'What are those? What are those? Are you saying I have those? Are you? I'm not very happy.'"

If Cowell's so bashful about his chest, then why does he wear those skinny-mini, sausage-casing, titty-tuggers on American Idol?

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By Kevin Wicks
Kevin Wicks is the founding editor of Anglophenia.