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Those expecting mayhem and flying silverware at the live, Russell Brand-hosted Brits found it instead at the NME’s, if you believe The Sun‘s Victoria Newton. As far as award shows go, the NME’s are to the Brits what the Golden Globes are to the Oscars – a bit more liquored-up and dressed-down. But even the Globes don’t have Pete Doherty allegedly smuggling a spoon into the Hammersmith Palais toilets, Kate Moss blithely skipping her presenting gig to allegedly join Petey in the loo for a fag or a shag (?), a Jarvis Cocker duet with Beth Ditto, and an all-out Alexis-Krystle-in-the-wading-pool catfight between Kaiser Chiefs and Arctic Monkeys:

The perfect indie match-up had everyone dancing. It should be released as a single. But it wasn’t all sweetness and light. The event flared up when the KAISER CHIEFS ended their set and continued a feud with ARCTIC MONKEYS by making provocative hand signals at their rivals.

The Monkeys’ table then hurled everything they could get their hands on at RICKY WILSON and his bandmates.

It’s like hip hop’s East Coast vs. West Coast all over again but with place settings instead of bullets…how very British. Btw, the Monkeys actually showed up at the NME’s, which they failed to do for the Brits last month. Maybe they were just biding their time for a Warriors-esque rumble with the Chiefs.

But wait! Mosey on over to The Times, and Adam Sherwin provides a more benign narrative for the evening:

Rehab clinics were emptied and feuds set aside as rock’s hardest-living icons poured into the Hammersmith Palais in West London.

Kate Moss presented the reformed drug addicts Primal Scream with a lifetime achievement award.

Hmmm…so there weren’t any rock-star fights, and Kate Moss did present her award as planned? Who’s telling the truth here? Vicky Newton…is she is or is she ain’t a big, big fabulist? To be fair to the Monica Lewinsky-lookalike Sun queen, The Daily Mail seems to back up her story that Kate missed presenting Primal Scream with their award:

Primal Scream frontman Bobby Gillespie played hero last night when he waded into a vicious row between his best pal Kate Moss and her boyfriend Pete Doherty. Kate was due to present Primal Scream with the Godlike Genius Award, but Bobby thought it more important that she sorted Pete out.

In addition to this bit, The Mail has some nice exclusive tidbits: Donny Tourette acting as a dubious escort for the underaged Geldof sisters, Sarah Harding of Girls Aloud boozing it up even as she presented Best British Band (my girl!), Elijah Wood showing up to solidify his indie cred, and Noel Gallagher cracking a real, proper grin.

BTW, NME reports that Moss and Doherty were removed from the Hammersmith Palais premises before Moss could present Primal Scream their award. (But it wasn’t because they were fighting…supposedly they had become “too amorous for the security personnel’s liking.”) It’s a sad day when The Sun and The Daily Mail provide more accurate reporting than The Times. Victoria Newton…all is forgiven…at least until Monday morning.

What else? Oh yeah…the winners.

In other news:

  • Could lead singer Kyle Falconer‘s conviction for cocaine possession kill The View‘s chances of breaking the U.S.?(NME)

  • After Uncut launched a debate about whether 1967 trumps 1977 as a seminal year for music, The Guardian‘s John Harris steps in and says, “Hey, what about 1987, year of groundbreaking rap albums from LL Cool J, Public Enemy, The Beastie Boys, and Run DMC?” I’m just waiting for Vicky Newton to argue for 1997, year of Spice Girls, Hanson, “Tubthumping,” and Aqua‘s “Barbie Girl.”
  • Did poet WH Auden help aid and abet the Cambridge spies?(Guardian)
  • Take That sold out their UK tour “in less than an hour.”(Mirror)
  • Post a vulgar picture: Tony Blair has always been a big wanker, and The Daily Mail proves it by digging up a photo of Blair ladding it up with his mates at Oxford. Actually, BBC’s “Newsnight” found it; The Mail just provides the tsk tsk sound effects.
  • Asian Dub Foundation will release a “best-of” compilation.(NME)
  • Five friggin’ stars for The Horrors album in The Guardian? If you’re gonna give these guys a classic rating, I’m gonna need more convincing than this review provides. Meanwhile, one star for the new Stooges, four stars for Bryan Ferry‘s Dylan covers album, and four stars for the new Arcade Fire.
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By Kevin Wicks
Kevin Wicks is the founding editor of Anglophenia.