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If you’ve been under a rock this weekend like I have, you wouldn’t know that Kylie Minogue and Olivier Martinez are splitsville. There has been major innuendo behind the break-up, most of it hinting toward some infidelity on Martinez’s part. All involved deny any extracurricular activities. The Mirror, however, is reporting that Olivier was seen snogging actress Penélope Cruz just hours after the split was announced:

Showing no hint of upset at the end of his four-year relationship, Martinez was all smiles as he took Penélope, 32, into his arms.

The couple hugged and kissed after bumping into each other on Saturday at the West Hollywood hotel, one of the hunky French actor’s favorite haunts.

Oh, dear. Poor Penny. Always the rebound chick, hasn’t she been through enough, especially after everything with Tom Cruise? Wait, just a…minute. Hmmm…follow me here. Check out another quote from the Mirror piece:

During their relationship, he was linked to Angelina Jolie, Lost star Michelle Rodriguez, actress Salma Hayek, and, most recently, Israeli model Sarai Givati.

Let’s see, so that’s one actress with confirmed lesbian tendencies, another one outed by her girlfriend, a pair of Latin ladies who have long been the targets of much speculation, and some chick I don’t know. Either Olivier is the most irresistible man on the planet – which is quite possible – or he has something to say to us. Do you have anything to say to us, Olivier? Or to me, specifically, over a bottle of Pinot Noir?

A man can wish, right? I’m not the only dude who sees possibilities in the Kylie-Olivier split. Little Britain‘s David Walliams offers his shoulder for Kylie to cry on. Here he is, quoted by The Sun‘s Victoria Newton: “She’s gorgeous and I hope she’s doing OK. I don’t know what went wrong with Olivier but I do know she deserves happiness and loyalty. She’s got my number if she wants to get together for a laugh.”

Meanwhile, a Kylie photo exhibition rankles art snobs.

Here’s the coolest website EVAH: England Rocks, a UK Travel Site for Music Landmarks. How neat is this: the UK tourism agency, VisitBritain, has put together a map marking nearly 200 of Britain’s best-known music-related landmarks, featuring everything from the Salford Lads Club in Manchester, made famous by my idols The Smiths, and the crosswalk outside of the Abbey Road studios. You can even feel Robbie Williams‘ pain as you trek to his childhood home at the Red Lion Pub in Staffordshire. Click below for the goodies.

Also, it was hinted at during the Macworld conference, and now it’s official: The war between the Beatles and Apple is over.

This week’s UK pop charts sees a third consecutive week at No. 1 for Mika (blargh) and a new entry from Bloc Party (yay).

1. Mika – Grace Kelly
Watch the video

2. Fall Out Boy – This Aint a Scene, It’s an Arms Race
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3. Just Jack – Starz in Their Eyes
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4. Bloc Party – The Prayer
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5. Mason – Exceeder
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6. Jojo -Too Little Too Late
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7. The View – Same Jeans
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8. Klaxons – Golden Skans
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9. Akon Ft Snoop Doggy Dogg – I Wanna Love You
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10. The Fray – How To Save A Life
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In other news:

  • The American Office vs. the real Office: which is better? C’mon, is there even a question? (Daily

  • Dubious band reunion rumors of the day: Led Zeppelin and Wham!.
  • Why aren’t there more female guitar heroes? Helen Brown takes up the cause of women electric guitarists in the Telegraph. “It’s interesting that, when it comes to videos, many female performers are pressured into not being filmed holding the instrument. Apparently Sheryl Crow was advised not to hold her guitar in front of the camera. I think marketing departments worry that the guitar gets in the way of the audience viewing the woman purely as a sexual image – although guitar magazines still sell their products by draping female models all over them.”
  • A Razorlight concert in Lyon, France ended abruptly when lead singer Johnny Borrell and bassist Carl Balemo came to blows onstage.(NME)
  • Arctic Monkeys‘ second album, Favourite Worst Nightmare, is set for an April release. The tracklisting is over at NME.
  • In the song “Rehab,” Amy Winehouse says, “There’s nothing you can teach me/That I can’t learn from Mr. Hathaway.” She paid tribute to the late soul singer last night.(NME)
  • Luke Pritchard, the Kook, claims Amy Winehouse went ballistic on him. “All I said to her was that I enjoyed her latest album. And suddenly, out of the blue, she had a really massive go at me. At one point she told me to f**king pull my head out of my arse. It was really weird. Everyone was just standing around looking at her…she’s crackers.” (Spin)
  • Finally some sanity in the world: Pete Doherty has been denied a gun license.(Mirror)
  • Cristiano Ronaldo fancies a Hollyoaks gangbang. Note: some of the actresses on Hollyoaks you will know from In the City, which is a Hollyoaks spinoff.(The Sun)
  • Daniel Craig won best actor at the Evening Standard awards for British film. Dame Judi Dench upset Dame Helen Mirren for Best Actress.(BBC)
  • The Guardian seems to be taking the piss in their profile of newcomer Jack Savoretti, “a 23-year-old, Anglo-Italian, bohemian troubadour with a guitar, a husky voice and some tales to tell. A handsome blighter, his tousled hair and wispy beard mark him out as the thinking female’s commuter crumpet. Or female taxicab crumpet. Basically, any female on the move. Anyway, Savvy-boy was signed after his hairdresser mentioned she also cut the hair of Natalie Imbruglia‘s manager (rock’n’roll, phew!) and offered to pass on his demo.”
  • Speaking of tousled-haired musicians, The Guardian has a video interview with that Anglophenia fave, Mika. Perhaps my anger toward him is some form of sexual frustration – I like slightly exotic boys with big hair – but he seems like kind of a twat. Number one, he makes fun of a poor window cleaner who is clearly just minding his own business. And when handed a Queen compilation CD by his interviewer, he frowns and asks, “So it’s not like some awful tribute band?,” which is bloody ironic coming from him.
  • Billie Piper‘s journey to the London stage was paved in self-doubt and heartache.(Telegraph)
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By Kevin Wicks
Kevin Wicks is the founding editor of Anglophenia.