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OK, this is soooo wrongheaded, I almost mistook it for self-satire. On the front page of today’s issue of The Sun, a group of children of differing ethnicities hold signs bearing racial slurs. Apparently, this is in response to the Celebrity Big Brother race row, which has sent the paper scurrying to exalt British tolerance and brotherhood. It would be easy to say that the Sun is being its usual, salacious self here, but it turns out the editors aren’t being exploitative at all. They are being subversive, you see; when the kids flip their signs, you see what binds them together – they’re all British. Phew. That is the end of a Public Service Announcement. We now return to the xenophobic harangues and gallery of surgically enhanced breasts that is the Sun, already in progess…

Back to the story that won’t go away: Celebrity Big Brother winner Shilpa Shetty had previously been apologetic and gracious about the racist bullying in the Big Brother house, as you can see here via YouTube:

But it turns out she hadn’t seen the worst of the viciousness. According to The Mirror, Shilpa was horrified when she saw the complete footage. “Watching this now, I can understand why people complained so much. It isn’t just one or two attacks – it’s incessant. I still can’t figure out what I did wrong.”

Meanwhile, the damage control train chugs on, with Jade allegedy checking herself into rehab for depression, and Danielle Lloyd offering Shilpa a tearful apology at the Big Brother press conference.

Note that Jermaine Jackson was runner-up. An Indian, plus the Muslim brother of Michael Jackson? You can’t get more tolerant than that.

Also: are the producers of Big Brother developing a celebrity rehab reality show? Haven’t the producers started enough trouble without going down that road?

In other news:

  • Is P. Diddy diddling Sienna Miller? (Ireland Online)

  • Have Pete Doherty and Kate Moss both checked into rehab – together?
    (The Sun)
  • The Police will perform together at next month’s Grammys.(BBC)
  • NME has announced the nominees for their version of the Brit Awards; Arctic Monkeys lead with four nominations.
  • Corinne Bailey Rae is afraid of what’s a real possibility: being nominated for three Brit awards and taking home zero. “If I didn’t win any, I might be disappointed. I saw Craig [David] on TV after he was nominated for six Brits and he came away empty-handed.”(The Sun)
  • Mika tops the media circus surrounding his new album by putting on a real circus. Either he’s wittier than I thought, or he needs to fire his PR people.
    (The Sun)
  • Brian Eno says he’s producing the latest Coldplay album.
  • Jamelia backs fellow nominee Lily Allen for the Best Female Solo Artist Brit award, even though they had a small-falling out last year. (MTV)
  • The Philly Daily News previews the stateside releases of Allen and Paolo Nutini‘s albums. On Allen: “Like a Limey Nellie McKay or a young Tracey Ullman, her schtick works through bluntly funny/sexy scenarios that usually make guys look like wankers.” On Nutini: “Nutini is young – 19 – and primo fashion model material. His name gives him an exotic aura, though he’s a fourth-generation Scot. His voices (multiple) are distinctive and sound older than the guy in a bruised, blue-eyed soul vein that reminds, at turns, of Eric Clapton, James Blunt, Damien Rice, or a young Rod Stewart.”
  • Well, wouldn’t anyone?: Patsy Kensit claims she “cried every day” when she was married to Liam Gallagher. (Daily Star)
  • Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, is a Sudoku wizard. (Exposay)
  • Alan McGee pimps the reunited Jesus and the Mary Chain in the Guardian. Hey, if he couldn’t make them worldwide superstars the first time…
  • Talk about your fanboy fantasies: Britney Spears on Doctor Who?
    (TV Squad)
  • On David Beckham‘s film career, Helen Mirren says he would be great in “a silent role.” In other words, shut up and be pretty, Becks.(The Sun)
  • Posh Spice is the anti-Viagra.
  • Is John Simm (Life On Mars) set to play Doctor Who‘s nemesis, The Master?(The Sun)
  • Hugh Grant says he and girlfriend Jemima Khan are not invited to Liz Hurley‘s wedding. “That’s not surprising,” he said, according to the Daily Mail. “I don’t think many people invite their ex when they get married, so I’m not at all bitter, and there’s no bad feeling or weirdness, we’re just not invited.”
  • Extras star Ashley Jensen has married.(Mirror)
  • Archaeologists have found ruins of an ancient village near Stonehenge.(CNN)
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By Kevin Wicks
Kevin Wicks is the founding editor of Anglophenia.