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She always dreamed she’d find that perfect lover, but he turned out to be like every other geriatric billionaire ex-Beatle with lawyers that rival most nations’ justice departments. But she ain’t mad at him; Heather Mills McCartney‘s mad at folks like Victoria Newton over at The Sun, it appears. Just mosey on over to your favorite website,, and instead of that beautiful, black-and-white film strip featuring Ms. Mills’ various glamour shots, one is confronted with a red screen and a throbbing flash animation reading – nay…SCREAMING – “Enough is ENOUGH!” Below it, there’s a link that says “Continue” (if you haven’t already launched into epileptic convulsions), and on the next page, you are confronted again–this time with an angry letter from Heather’s sister, Fiona Mills. First of all, don’t they know white text on a BLAZING red background is flippin’ hard to read? I guess Fiona hopes that their color choice will annoy us so that we’ll be convinced to join Team Mills. Bad call. She rages, and I quote:

After eight months of reading disgusting, untrue and hurtful stories about my sister Heather I feel enough is enough and I would like to try and set the record straight. It’s impossible to answer every single lie that has been written about her, there are just too many, but over the next few weeks I will try to answer some of them.

The main reason that I am responding is that I am deeply concerned for the safety of my sister and her daughter. They are receiving death threats, not because she is getting a divorce, but because some of the British tabloids decided from day one that they wish to destroy her, create hatred towards her and profit out of doing so. The vicious agenda of these tabloids has resulted in death threats to my family and I want to try to do something. Heather and Beatrice no longer receive the protection that would be afforded to any other member of the McCartney family facing such threats. It is extremely stressful to be informed by the police of a serious risk to your life and then to be followed by strange cars and people that may or may not be paparazzi…

There’s more to the letter, and you can read it, if you have the stomach for it, over at Mills’ website. (Reports have surfaced that the letter had previously included jabs at Sir Paul McCartney about the lack of bodyguards for Heather and Beatrice – but the remarks were quickly re-written at the request of Heather’s lawyers.) Fiona is correct that the British tabloids have profited immensely from Heather’s downfall. In particular, Victoria Newton over at The Sun has taken enormous pleasure in ripping the former Mrs. McCartney a new one. But Heather has provided them with more than enough ammunition for it all. One of the many falsehoods in this letter is that Heather has been silent throughout. I guess we all dreamt that Extra interview a few months back and the outrageous quote in which Heather said that she’d rather lose another limb than endure the public ridicule she’s facing. Live by the sword, die by the sword – anyone who uses the media to forward their interest can find that the same media will come back and bite them on the heinie.

Fiona ends the note with a lovely rhyming couplet: “I love her and I love my niece, give them a bit of peace…” How twee.

Oh, but there’s more…she goes on to list news stories and refute them one-by-one. It appears that Heather never attacked a harmless mother at Starbucks; it was a journalist who she kicked out the door.

Heather, how we’ve missed you atop Anglophenia! Don’t stay away so long next time, OK? Too bad she’s been replaced by Jade Goody as the most hated British woman. Goody is said to be planning a tour of India to make amends for her racially insensitive comments. Let’s see her try that “Poppadum” shite in the middle of Calcutta.

In other news:

  • Oooh…diss! When asked if he’d put Kelly Osbourne on the cover of Playboy, Hugh Hefner responded, “I can’t see it happening somehow – we don’t airbrush to that extent.”

  • When you have family, who needs enemies?: Celebrity Big Brother houseguest Danielle Lloyd‘s aunt says that her niece is, indeed, “racist.” (The Sun)
  • No heads will roll at the UK’s Channel 4 over the Celebrity Big Brother controversy. (The Sun)
  • Can Peter O’Toole finally get his flippin’ Oscar?(Telegraph)
  • Jodie Whittaker, who plays opposite Peter O’Toole in Venus, is a “film star in the making” says The Independent.
  • What’s on Thom Yorke‘s iTunes playlist? Well, a bit of Stephen Malkmus, The Dears, Liars, and Natasha Khan. (Gigwise)
  • U.S. band My Chemical Romance to mouthy UK band Kasabian: y’all ig’nant! (Gigwise)
  • The Archie Bronson Outfit, a blues band, has been voted Britain’s “most exciting new talent” by the readers of The Times. They beat Connie Fisher!
  • Our girl Amy Winehouse and rock legends The Who also received awards. (NME)
  • Someone broke into Keane‘s offices and made off with their…contact information? (Guardian)
  • The Jesus and Mary Chain will reunite at Coachella!(Guardian)
  • Are they following in the footsteps of the UK band, James?
  • Did Charles Dickens foresee cinema in his novels?(Guardian)
  • Was an episode of the BBC drama, Waking the Dead (which also airs on BBC AMERICA), defamatory towards Opus Dei?(BBC)
  • An almost redundant wax museum installation of Posh ‘n Becks.(BBC)
  • Hammersmith Palais, made world-famous in The Clash song, “White Man in Hammersmith Palais,” will be demolished. For an office complex.(BBC)
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By Kevin Wicks
Kevin Wicks is the founding editor of Anglophenia.