Michelle Buteau

Actress and comedienne Michelle Buteau is a regular on the college and club circuit and has performed at such festivals like Bonnaroo, Bumbershoot and the HBO Aspen Comedy Festival. Additionally, Buteau has appeared on E!, Comedy Central, MTV, VH1 and “Lopez Tonight.” In 2011, she starred in an episode “Whitney”. Follow her on Twitter @MichelleButeau.

Which BBC America character are you?
I’d say I’m more like Gordon Ramsay. I feel like a part-time therapist, a part-time cook and full-time crazy. I’m owning it. You should too.

Name your vice – which of the deadly sins could you never give up?
Pride.

Disclose one thing your best friend doesn’t know about you.
I pee a little bit when I jump rope. I have no qualms telling her, but I don’t think she’d want to know.

What dead person gives you the heebie jeebies?
Um, ALL dead people in general. Hello?! Candy Man totally freaks me out though. He’s like a super pimp just became a demon. It’s really too much.

Who’s your hero?
My father is my hero. He’s a self-made man, and a true inspiration.

What is your most marked characteristic?
My hair, freckles and back fat. It’s a thing.

What is your biggest fear?
Failing.

What’s your pet peeve?
Being cheap. I don’t mind if your broke. But cheap? Get over it!

What was your childhood fear?
Being kidnapped and held captive in a basement. I watched too many scary movies when I was young.

Which cartoon character turns you on?
The young Lord of The Thunder Cats – Lion O. I don’t usually go for red heads, or lions for that matter… but there’s something about a younger guy, who’s mature for his age, just throwin’ up a sword every now and then. He could get it. What? Yes. That just happened.

Who was your childhood crush?
Kirk Cameron. From an early age, I realized I had a thing for white boys with curly hair. Don’t judge.

Happiness is …
Living life by your own standards.

What special talent do you wish you had?
I wish I could sit comfortably in a bikini. I so admire people that can do that.

What’s the worst gift you’ve ever given?
Book ends from Barnes & Nobles – AND they were free with a purchase over $25. I mean, how cheap is that?

What’s the worst birthday gift you’ve ever received?
A black kitten. I’m allergic, I never told anyone about wanting a cat, AND there was some joke about giving a black p**** a black p****. That is just so wrong for so many reasons.

If you could come back to life as a famous historical figure, who would it be?
Christopher Columbus. I’d skip the whole colonizing thing. What a downer.

If you only had 10 minutes to spend $1,000, what would you buy?
I would donate to a child’s education in a third world country. I don’t mean to get all Angelina Jolie on you, but that’s what I’d do.

Would you rather walk through fire or over glass?
I’d rather walk over glass. I’m very vain. I’d rather mess my feet up then my face.

Would you rather be at the helm of a time machine or a rocket ship?
Definitely a time machine, because I do loves to travel and see new places! I don’t like roller coasters, so I couldn’t handle the speed of a rocket ship. My only concern with the time machine, as an African American women, some centuries might get a little too real.

Would you rather live without a mirror or without caffeine?
Without caffeine. I need to know what’s happening with my hair at all times.

Would you rather have X-ray vision or the ability to hear every single conversation?
Neither. That’s just too much knowledge about other people that I don’t need to know.

Would you rather have Rebecca Black’s “Friday” on repeat play in your head for one year or sing it front of public crowd once a day for a week?
Oh. My. GOD. I could not stand to have this song on repeat in my head, so I’d suck it up and sing it for a crowd. I’m a woman after all, and we do know how to fake it. Real talk.

Michelle Buteau