1. Despite the literal name of this one, it seems unlikely that it’ll be able to handle the hottest new videogames this holiday season….
2. When part of the name of your product doesn’t even exist, you know that your parody title is trying too hard.
3. Although Robert Cop sounds more personable than Robocop, his credibility seems more doubtful.
4. Something about “I’m CUCKOO for Cocoa Peanut Butter Spheres” just doesn’t roll off the tongue quite as well.
5. “Skerpie” is a little bit cuter than “Sharpie,” but there’s just gotta be a whole pile of copyright infringements with this execution.
6. The “Ball Star Classic” seems like a drunken joke someone at Converse made in an email and then oops it accidentally became a thing.
7. Haha, “Soccer,” CLASSIC Poly Station 3 game. The graphics are UNreal.
8. Putting a unicorn on a Sriracha bottle isn’t actually a bad idea. Something tells me whatever’s in there isn’t quite as good, though.
9. Not sure about you, but Benign Girl sounds waaaay chiller than that Barbie chick.
10. Listen, there’s enough actual companies trying to impersonate the iPhone. Do we really need another??
11. They started off with a good idea: a Wookiee with a bowtie is totally dashing. But they really messed up Chewbacca’s, uh… design.
12. Haha, “penes.”
13. Those additional options sound kinda appetiz—LISTEN, YOU CAN’T IMPROVE A FORMULA THAT’S ALREADY PERFECT. CHIPOTLE IS PERFECT. WE’RE THROUGH WITH THIS.