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Episode 4 Recap: A Brush with Death

Who had a bloody good time last Sunday?

Copperheads, here’s your spoiler warning. Didn’t watch last night? Plant yourself in front of a TV now, because you do not want to miss this episode.

The date is October 2, 1864, and we open with Corky and O’Brien gossiping like a pair of schoolgirls. Turns out Maguire wants to marry Molly and become a farmer. The fellas have a good chuckle over their buddy playing house and harvesting crops with the town whore. But hold on, wasn’t Molly screwing Corcoran just last week? We haven’t forgotten, and neither has Andrew, who alludes to Kevin and Molly’s loud sexcapades. It’s time for Kevin to fess up to the fling, but he’s saved by the dramatic entrance of a prosthetic leg. (The leg that’s usually attached to Morehouse.)

So O’Brien has the dirty deets on Corky and Molly’s affair. Fine. Let’s hope poor Maguire never finds out. Anyone else have the sads for the guy? Well, we’ll get to that mess later.

While the detectives gossiped, your two favorite hookers bickered upstairs in Eva’s Paradise, which we have renamed Eva’s Sex Dungeon of Doom. Molly stomped into Eva’s den like an ornery child, demanding Eva return Corky’s locket. Eva’s all, ‘Sure, cool, fine, whatever, take the locket…BUT LISTEN BITCH. YOU EVER TELL CORKY I HAD THIS LOCKET AND YOU. WILL. BE. SORRY.‘ Despite her terrifying behavior, Molly skips back to Corcoran, cursed locket in hand, and uses it as a prop to seduce him. Atta girl, Molly. Nothing turns a guy on like the jewelry of his beloved missing wife.

In this week’s whodunit, the Hardy Boys investigate Madame Grindle and the Case of the Cursed Locket – the mysterious death of the town abortionist who pawned Corky’s jewels. Corcoran discovers a potential lead in Grindle’s home – a letter that could be incriminating, if it wasn’t roasted and toasted. Enter miracle worker Doctor Matthew Freeman, who mixes a cocktail of potassium ferrocyanidum and acid hydrochloricum, sets up metal plates, pulls trace iron residue from the parchment, and presto, recovers the obscured text. Uh, this procedure is possible without computers and a science lab? Stay tuned for next week’s episode, in which Doctor Matthew Freeman discovers genetics, but graciously gives the credit to his good buddy Gregor Mendel. (Kidding. Maybe.)

The rescued letter implicates a ‘man of God,’ Bishop Onderdonk. It seems poor Onderdonk mistook the vows of chastity and obedience to mean impregnating his parlor maid and taking her to get an abortion. Corky believes Onderdonk murdered Grindle to keep the scandal quiet, and since God hasn’t offered to strike Onderdonk with a righteous bolt of lightning, Corky happily volunteers, pummeling the guy into the ground. In typical Corcoran interrogation fashion, he lets his fists ask the questions. Turns out Onderdonk’s a liar and a cheater but didn’t kill anyone, so the case goes unclosed. See ya on “Unsolved Mysteries” Madame G.

And finally, the Oh S-! moment, Molly’s murder. Sure, there was some tension between Eva and Molly over the locket, but it was not-so-innocent Annie Reilly who really got things rolling when she offered Eva an insider tip: Molly’s been fooling around with Corcoran. It’s unclear what set Eva off – was she fed up with Molly’s conniving little ways, or is death the punishment for bedding her favorite customer? If you thought Corcoran’s interrogation techniques were tough, wait ’til you get a load of Eva’s – open your mouth, she’ll slit your throat. R.I.P. Mols. You jealous bitch.

Five (More) Points

The Wickedest Woman in New York City
Madame Grindle has a real-life imposter. Meet a real 19th century abortionist with a killer nickname.

Rivers, Oceans, Lakes: Trash Cans For Your Jewelry
Uh, Corky? You forgot to make that awkward noise you make when throwing priceless jewelry into the water. Cue instructional video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9CGl5-blQBE

This or That: Which One’s Cursed?
*The locket
*Annie
(For now, we’re avoiding both.)

HaverCork Update
Elizabeth Haverford and Kevin Corcoran talk chess. Hearing these two go on about it, you’d assume chess was the sexiest game ever.

Poor Francis Maguire
Then again, maybe he dodged a bullet. Might be tough getting your prostitute wife to stay faithful.

So Copperheads, are you mourning Molly’s death? Think Kevin should skip the chess lessons and make a move on Elizabeth? Is there anything Doctor Matthew Freeman can’t do? Share your two Copper pennies below!

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