10 Things Brits Do That Drive Americans Nuts

Simon Pegg, losing friends and alienating Americans as Toby Young.

You might think that you come off all charmingly Alan Rickman or Emma Thompson, but don’t think Americans aren’t incensed by bits of your Britishness. If you want to make friends in these parts, avoid the following:

1. Overcooking your vegetables
The authentic British way to prepare edible plants is to immerse them in boiling water for a fortnight. Americans think this is weird and unpleasant, to which I say: “Until you’ve had a carrot disintegrate on your tongue, you haven’t lived.”

2. Being standoffish
When strangers in shops and people I pass on the street make eye contact, nod or say “Hi!” I like to reply with an icy stare or low growl. Lately, I’ve come to understand that this is not the done thing, but I can’t help it because I’m British. I was raised in a land where a sneer is worth a thousand smiles.

3. Thinking all Americans are flag-wielding fatties with firearms
Oh you crazy Yanks with your big guns and trousers that could fit three normal people in each of the legs! However inaccurate, we Brits love to believe this is the blueprint for every American. Understandably, they’re not amused.

4. Not tipping
Most Brits would rather undergo weekly colonoscopies than leave a fat stack of bills for their poorly paid waitress. You might think you can get away with leaving skimpy tips but the locals have noticed and now we have a reputation.

5. Your reluctance to “share”
The British stiff upper lip is considered a disadvantage over here. By all means, Americans, breakdown and cry – tell us something deep and dark – but do not expect us to reciprocate. But Brits be warned: your silence will only buy you pitying looks and unsolicited therapist referrals.

6. Believing that Americans have no sense of irony
This myth persists amongst Brits to the irritation of many an irony-literate American. What you will notice is that, on occasion, your new countrymen won’t pick up on our brand of sarcasm. That’s because to the untrained ear, a British person being serious sounds almost exactly the same as one in mocking, sardonic mode.

7. Having terrible teeth and neglected nails
As any American will tell you, the British suffer from a severe case of hand, foot and mouth. If your teeth look like chipped, moldering tombstones and your fingers are topped with jagged, dirty claws, don’t expect to get many party invites.

8. Not being able to tell a fifty from a five
To us, all dollar bills look alike: greenish oblongs with a dead bloke on one side and a spooky pyramid on the other. Poorly manicured hand on heart, that’s the reason I keep putting down ones instead of twenties at the supermarket.

9. Moaning about missing curry and Marks and Spencer.
Wherever you are in the U.S., there’s wonderful food just waiting to be snaffled, but I guarantee it won’t be a fragrant chicken dansak or a dreamy M&S steak and ale pie. My US friends are sick of hearing about the curry and pie-shaped hole in my life and stomach.

10. Your lack of interest in health
Doctors are for wimps. Much better to ignore that pulsating lump in your abdomen and go to the pub. This is not the American way. Here, if you’re not having regular swabs, scans or biopsies, you’re doing something wrong, and your American friends won’t hesitate to stick a pin in your bravado.

What other British quirks drive Americans bonkers? See also: 10 Things Americans Do That Drive British People Nuts

Writer Ruth Margolis will be discussing her piece this Friday (August 23) at 1 pm/et via @MindtheGap_BBCA on Twitter – tweet using ‪#‎MindTheChat‬.

  • Peter

    And how many Americans don’t have health insurance? Stick #10 in “things Brits ‘do’ that drive rich Americans nuts”.

    • Maddy

      I am a lower middle class American citizen and I still have health insurance, I think it’s a logical precaution.

    • sheesh

      Cut your cable bill and stop drinking. Spend the money on health insurance and stop trying to get everyone else to pick up your tab.

      • Evan Feist

        Could not agree more.

      • Dean Odin

        Righto

    • Butch Knouse

      Rich Americans DO have health insurance. Some of the poor don’t.

      Or are you one of those peoples who thinks ALL of us are filty stinking rich?

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1053145672 Nick Xylas

        Health insurance companies make their money by denying claims. It’s possible to spend a huge percentage of your paycheck on health insurance and still be bankrupted by medical costs in the US – I speak from bitter experience here.

    • Ryan Haber

      A reasonably healthy young person can get basic maintenance and catastrophic coverage for about $85/mo. That’s what I had. It covered a physical exam and a couple checkups each year, and then any expenses beyond $2000 in a year – requiring me to pay the first $2000 in treatment. So I had to pay $95 for a doctor visit because of a respiratory infection.

      I know a lot of people who have iPhones ($50-100/mo) and cable ($85/mo) but no insurance, and frankly, don’t want to pay so they can have their cake and eat it too. We each have to make decisions about what is important to us. I did without those things so that I could be covered in case of medical difficulties. They can too, but just don’t want to.

      The chronic illness is of course another problem, and perhaps requires a different solution; all the solutions we have so far are ghastly inefficient though, and just throwing more money at the problem seems unlikely to actually solve anything.

      Most of us over here have heard about the joys of relying on the NHS, so don’t get preachy with us, please. Set your own house in order first.

      • Leah D

        As for the healthcare. Not only do most in the US have it. We know how to take care of our bodies. All that turkey is heart healthy and rotten teeth can cause heart disease and stroke. Also, eating your veggies raw keeps in the nutrients instead of loosing them all while boiling them to death. So just eat your kidney pie and skip those checkups, you’ll check out at about 50. And, one more thing, as for the flag….I’ll fly it until the day I die.

        • Raven

          If you Americans know so much more than us Brit’s about living healthy, then why is it that your national levels of heart disease and obesity have a far higher percentage than ours.

  • Jill Merrall

    Love this article…as an American married to a Brit….I’m forwarding this to him!

  • dw

    There’s plenty of “curry” in certain parts of the US, such as the San Francisco Bay Area, where this ex-Brit lucky enough to live. Puts the UK’s balti and chicken tikka masala to shame!

    • Rachel

      DW – not possible to put UK to shame (only that you’ve mananged to find a non-dodgy N. American curry area) Curry in Brick Lane and Birmingham brilliant. Even the curry in the little Cotswolds town I lived in was amazing!

      • dw

        I grew up in Birmingham. I know whereof I speak :)

        Chacun a son gout, of course!

    • sue

      to DW – unfortunately, many of us live in small-town America (or at least smaller and less cosmopolitan than SF), where we are seriously deprived of a good Ruby Murray! I still miss the great Indian takeaway.

    • Raven

      OK DW lets see you get a tindaloo in the San Fransisco Bay area, also the modern curry is technically a British invention based upon spices from the Indian palette.

  • mh

    brits are always saying “american football is a sissy sport ..men in tights and shoulder pads …dont even think about comparing them to rugby players when even our crown green bowlers are harder”

    • Raven

      American Football is more agressive and violently impactive than the British equivelant Rugby, whilst they share the same root it would be like comparing them to Aussie rules football or even comparing Cricket to Baseball, having played both I understand why the Americans wear padding, I also feel that I should point out a lot of Rugby players wear padding, just not quite as large.

  • CD

    Along with the following:
    You drive on the left. Enough said.

    Crisps are not a part of a healthy balanced diet and should no be consumed w every meal.

    The amount of processed pork products available in the grocery store.

    Roundabouts every 1/2 mile. FFS.

    When you try an imitate an American accent and make us all out to sound like John Wayne. This is not the case.

    When you mistake our accent for being Canadian. And no, we aren’t the same country.

    • Robert

      CD what’s wrong with driving on the left? Not so long ago the whole civilized world traveled on the left side of the road and there was good logical reasons for doing so. It was an act of defiance on the part of a little tin pot dictator (Napolion) who insisted every country he invaded change to traveling on the right. France being an allie in the revolution and Britain out of favour the defiance spread to America but if you’ve driven both systems, once you are acclimatized to each, the left is the more natural.

      • JVV

        That little “tin pot dictator” was one of the greatest milatary minds the world has ever known! Napolean conquered most of Europe – Wellington only beat him ONCE.

        Disclaimer – I am not French and am a complete Anglophile, but I know how to put military history into perspective.

        • Robert

          The British beat Napolean many times, and Wellington lead a good fare few of those defeats. The British chased him from Portugal right across Spain and into France past Paris and into Belgium to his final defeat at Waterloo. The British captured him twice, let him go the first time thinking the war was over but he got up to his old tricks so they had to catch him again and he spent the rest of his life under house arrest on Elba. The French Navy along with it’s allie the Spanish Navy was no match for the Royal Navy who humiliated the French and Spanish at every opporunity and cut them to pieces at Trafalgar, even thou the French and Spanish out numbered the British more than two to one.
          Napolean was like Hitler good at winning when his forces faced countries unprepared for war, but when they face an apponent as prepared and as well equiped they didn’t fare so well.

          • CaliMark

            Meh, all murderers are glorified if they kill in the thousands. Both Wellington and Napoleon were butchers in the same league as Stalin and Franco.

    • sue

      I think it’s actually quite hard to imitate an American accent – whichever regional variation, and I’ve lived here for 20 years. Interestingly, my Surrey accent has been mistaken often for Australian, New Zealander, and even German!

      • DonnaT

        I ‘ve heard British actors do a very good American accent. In fact I didn’t realize they were British until I heard them in an interview.

      • CaliMark

        Try doing a Maine-ah accent. I don’t even think Mainers get it right!

      • Raven

        I belive that like the British there is no such thing as an American accent, their accents break down regionally ie the Mid West accent, a New York city accent and even down to smaller regions like a Queens accent. In England alone for example the comparrison of an East End accent to a Geordie accent is quite extreme so when an American attempts to do a British accent they rely on source material, British Cinema, and when British attempt an American accent so do we.

    • Dan

      cd – you drive n the right, can go through red lights, pedestrians seem to have right of way over vehicles and have traffic signals every 10 metres

      Just travelled around US supermarkets and the biggest fruit and veg section I found was about three metres long.

      • rick guad

        you do know that brits invented napalm and concentration camps (look up boer war) not to mention spotted dick.i think that makes us even as to any any complaints we mutually subscribe to.ta!

        • Rupert

          Spotted Dick, sounds like you have a serious problem. I hope you have health insurance.

        • Raven

          and was it not Robert Openhiemer with his crew of scientists under orders from the American Government who invented and built the Atomic Bomb. I think to miss quote Shakespeare “The villany we taught you, you will execute and it shall go hard, but you will better the instruction.”
          As for spotted dick, it is a suet based pudding with raisins usually served with Custard or as the rest of the world calls it Creme Anglais and it is very nice, however in Britain we do not eat it every day, just as I am sure that Americans dont always eat apple pie with cheese.

  • GN

    Number 2 rarely applies outside of London

    • Tara

      That’s what I was thinking. I’m from the US and live in SE England. Here, people regularly say hi and talk to me on the street. Sometimes it’s just a “It’s a beautiful day, innit?” and sometimes it’s more personal – like a compliment on my scarf or a question about my broken leg. Whenever I respond, they inevitably talk about my accent and tell me the local places I should be sure to check out (I’ve been here for four years and they’re still coming up with new places for me). To me, it feels a lot like being in the Midwest.

  • Jess

    Once again, crying with laughter at my desk, and forwarding it to all my American friends who do not understand me!

  • LB

    Surely this article should be called ‘Things RUTH does that drive Americans nuts”?

    Aside from the old British dentistry jokes, no one has ever pulled me aside for any of these things.

  • Ruth Quayle

    I’m a brit living in texas – you’re average texan doesn’t even know what a vegetable is and if they do happen to come across them by accident then will batter and fry them to death.

    Also no American ever have a ‘bit of a cold’ its either their ‘allergies’ or possibly a deadly virus requiring 10 hospital visits and preferably invasive surgery to part of the body your average brit doesn’t know exists – then you have to listen to how expensive their medical treatment is.

    • Alex M.

      I love this article. I also read “10 things American’s do that drive Brits crazy” and I have to say I did not know that our lack of use of the letter “u” was such a prominent irritant. I have, in the past, noticed that certain words (such as honour, favour, colour) have the letter in them in British writing but not in American writings.

      As for this article; the final thing listed is my favourite. I agree with the British view on this. I’d rather ignore it and let it fix itself (or get to the point where I irrefutably HAVE to see a doctor) than to go to the hospital.

      Also I have never had vegetables cooked the way you’ve mentioned them in this article. As someone who wants to become a chef for their career I will definitely look into that and try it when I am more able to.

      Anyways…awesome article.

      • mary

        I am an American and the U thing only bothers me when my American friends use it
        Stop it
        You are not English cut it out
        Also please stop spelling it “Theatre”
        so pretentious

    • sheesh

      Ruth, I don’t know where in BFE Texas you are stuck you must not travel around much. Texas has a HUGE agriculture industry and vegetables are cooked in every form, from grilled to steamed, boiled to baked. The germans should have dropped cookbooks.

      • Raven

        Whilst I take your point about the agricultural industry of Texas, I would just like to say that you are obviously an ignorant, small minded individual England withstood six years of constant bombing by the Germans during the Second World War, we lost nearly a quarter of the counties population through soldiers being killed, pilots and able semen dying in combat plus bombing, we also underwent rationing on the very basics of life because we stood up against the ultimate evil whilst Americas military stood by, until their navy was blown out of the water by the Japanese. I find your comment to be the product of a very limited mind, in addition if our cooking is so bad then why did one of our chefs, Jamie Oliver, come over to America trying to change the way food is prepared and served in your schools, in order to provide a more nutrious and beneficail diet only to be told by the governing bodies that your students only wanted to eat junk, a fact that I am sure is not true.

    • DonnaT

      LOL, As an American, I personally do not like my veggies cooked to death until they’re just colour on the plate. Ok ok I do like the occasional deep fried mushroom. But seldom.

    • Person

      To Ruth Quayle, I can assure you that Texans are no where near the average American. In fact, many Americans hate the stereotypes of Texans and it is a little offensive to use them to represent any bit of America that is not Texas. They are extremely far from a true representation.

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  • Chris

    What do you mean we don’t have curry?

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  • Robert

    ‘Brits imitating American accents make out all Americans sound like John Wayne’ there’s a grain of truth in that but Brits can distinguish and New Yorker from a Texan or someone from the East Coast from someone from the West. Americans imitating Brits make out the English sound like a Burlesque Lord Snotty from the twenties or Dick Van Dyke in Marry Poppins and that’s far more insulting. Even English actors appearing on American TV sit coms have to adopt a ludicrous false accent to please the producers now that is really insulting and bordering on racist.

    • sue

      to Robert – true. And why are most “British” characters cast as rude, sleazy, snivelling, snotty, or just plain mean?

      • Kari

        Sue: true, or if they have none of the above characteristics they are just dumb..

      • Diana

        Because they’re so good at playing those parts.

        • Troy

          Yer but they are only playing them. It’s surprising how many American actors when appearing in public without a script really are dumb?

      • Dr. Stranglove

        Brits suck. Period. Love,

        The French.

        • Robert

          Hang on you use the handle Dr Stanglove, an ex Nazi Germany character played by a Brit in a film that satires American Nuclear Defence Policy and you sign off Love the French. Who the …… loves the French? No one in Europe. They’re the ones who want everyone else to follow the rules but don’t think the rules apply to them.

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  • Barbara

    When it comes to Britains trying to imitate an American accent, my good American friend once said they always say it with a Southern accent. I have never tried to imitate an American accent since that remark! Incidentally, I hate the abbreviation of Brits!

    • JVV

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  • Kevin Potter

    As a welshman who has lived in the US for the last 8 years and has US, Scottish and English family members, its very good, However, I also think you need to weed out what in the list, links to English, Welsh, Scottish or Northern Irish culture, cause that will either shorten the list for some or expand the list others.

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  • Jordan

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  • Mi Ffed

    Any lengthy discussion about American politics with Brits tees me off. I am sorry Mr and Mrs Brit, but we can’t do a d*mned thing about the political situation over here, as I am sure that you can’t over there. Politics is like the wind: one never knows how long it will blow, in what direction, and for what good reason. Have you ever heard anyone say, “I liked the wind today” just like you have never heard anyone say, “Yes, I liked the political situation today”?

    Lastly, about our gun situation in society. Can’t do anything about that, either. Occasionally, Great Britain has their raging looney as that cab driver a few summers ago. Well, what are we going to do about that? A looney is a looney, no matter what side of the Atlantic. It’s not a gun problem, it’s a people problem, as usual.

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  • LoriK

    I’m American and I’m just crying with laughter with theses articles of Americans vs Brits. And yes, I DO love and understand irony and sarcasm. I’ve yet to try shepard’s pie and I love British humor, especially the comedy, “Keeping Up Appearances” that poor hapless husband! LOL

    BTW, will someone PLEASE get those Zune and Ipad spammers off of this?! It’s cluttering up the discussion. GAH

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  • Diana

    I don’t understand not being able to tell a 50 dollar bill from a five dollar bill. The number is right there on the bill (look on the corner of the bill). :)

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    Re: all the bills looking alike, that is why I keep them in order from smallest to largest.

  • Madman w/ a box

    Number one-Vinegar (of any type) on french fries!!!!!!!! Uggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! There are three things vinegar is good for (Dyeing eggs, cleaning coffemakers, and cheap grade school science experiments with baking soda) and this is not one of them.

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  • Dan

    These are 10 things a British person thinks drive Americans nuts about British people. Truly not even “in the ballpark” as we might say. Well, maybe numbers 1 & 2, possibly 7.

    It’s not the lack of tipping that we find annoying, it’s the yelling at the waitress to “get a job that pays you a decent wage, don’t expect it from me”, that drives us nuts.

    We don’t care what you think about our patriotism, it’s your “you used to be one of our colonies” attitudes and blatant statements that knock us for a loop – just remember, we tossed you and your tea into the harbor and haven’t looked back.

    We had high hopes for y’all in the comedy world with Monty Python, Stephen Fry & Hugh Laurie, and maybe even Benny Hill or Black Adder. Come on, it’s been two decades since you produced a show worth watching, but you keep insisting that you have senses of humor. (Note the lack of “u”s in various words, unnecessary following an “o”, it doesn’t change the pronunciation.)

    You still think of yourselves as an empire and a world power, and some sort of vast territory. We have 29 states in which we could stick your islands and still have room to walk around. Which brings us to your regular objection to so many of us not having passports to travel around – while I’m all for international travel and do so regularly, let’s face it, traveling from New York to Los Angeles is nearly twice the distance of you folk traveling cross-continent from London to Moscow. We do travel, we just do it domestically.

    That you think losing a “football” (soccer to us) match is a justifiable excuse for going on a rampage, pillaging, looting, burning….

    That you think the school you attended defines you for all time and grants you not just an educational edge, which we understand, but a social cast and rights that others don’t deserve.

    Oh, one could keep going, but go ahead, just keep thinking it’s about your curry.

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  • Bubba Zanetti

    How about….

    11. Turning Disney World into Wembley Stadium or Old Trafford.

    You don’t have to go to England in Epcot to experience a slice of Britain. You will stand in line (er, queue) with at least 50o Brits during your average Disney vacation. Brits in Disney World are very easy to spot. Just look for men with very pasty skin, very short hair wearing the jersey or “kit” of their favorite Premier League side or the ol’ standby the England “Three Lions” shirt. You will see more Man United or Liverpool FC shirts than Pittsburgh Steelers jerseys at Disney, especially in August. Their attempts at going incognito while waiting in line for Space Mountain or Spaceship Earth is generic Umbro clothing.

    • Robert

      Yes the lower levels of sociaty in Britain do tend to have an habit of wearing their favourite teams shirts. But not all and teams like ‘Man Unitied’ are popular all over the World as is the habit of wearing their shirts. So the sight of a Premiership Soccer shirt doesn’t necessary mean it’s a Brit wearing it. Just watch News and Documentaries of other countries and play the spot the British Soccer shirt, on Asians, Africans, Arabs and alsorts of peoples from around the world and I’ve even seen Americans wearing them.

      • JVV

        Well, hey there! There’s another thing that drives Americans crazy about Brits; class elitism. “Lower levels?”

        • Robert

          Don’t try and kid there’s no class distitnction in America. In Britian it’s mainly based on education, the professional, the tradesmen, the labourers, white collar, blue collar, executives, middle management, shop floor worker and don’t try and kid you don’t have them in America because if anything the demarcations are even more pronounced in the States depending on which state you happen to be in. Lower levels of society refers to those who are at the bottom of society and proud to be there and have no desire to raise them selves out of it. What ever you call them (chavs, trailer trash,) every country as them and is embarresset by them.

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  • Camie

    These articles are stupid and divisive. My husband is English, and neither he nor any of my in-laws or our friends in England commit any of the offenses in this article. I admit, I did feel awkward the first time I ate in an English restaurant, because I’m used to tipping and I like to let my server know that I appreciate their service. But when I go to England, I do as the English do. I like that we’re different. And my husband, who has very beautiful teeth, approaches life in the US with a wonderful attititude. There are many more expats out there like him. Why do we have to paint each other with such a broad brush?

    • Richard Toczynski

      Amen Camie. My wife is a Brit. We travel there 2 twice a year to visit family. The dweeb who wrote this obviously has never spent a second with Brits nor have they ever even visited the country. I only wish I could get the time back that I wasted reading it.

      • http://twitter.com/tAlexStaley Alex Staley

        Um Richard……the person that wrote this is British……

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    Been to Britain many times, and I still haven’t worked out those ridiculous toilets. You need to flush them about 3 times for everything to go down. Also, you can be virtually trapped in a public toilet stall because you’re stuck between the toilet and the door when you try to open it.

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  • Elizabeth

    Oh my god… to any Brit reading this… I can assure most Americans DON’T think this way. I feel like this is just beyond offensive…

    • VH

      Right on!

    • maineman65

      Being American and having been to the UK, this is a joke lol

  • Dave

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  • Brian

    #11 It’s aluminum and not aluminium, the British way just sounds weird.

    • robert

      ‘Aluminium’ It only sounds weird if it’s not what you’re taught. What you’re taught in your informative years become your truth. If latter in life you meet someone elses truth and their truth is different to yours theirs must be the false one, you can’t both have the truth and yours can’t be the wrong one, that would be a betrayal of your up bringing. So foreign accents are weird and/or funny. Different ways of spelling are just wrong. But are they? Could it just be there is more than one truth. Just because that is the way you do it, the way you say it, is that how the rest of the world as to do it and say it?

  • Colin

    Honestly trying to convince us that being happy is crass, that you “just prefer to be sad,” that it’s somehow deep or mature; and that the yin-yang of a well-balanced life isn’t descriptive or accidental, but needs to be transitively strategized–that you need to plan miserable things into your day to keep yourself from becoming too happy.

    • ROBERT

      Colin it’s not ‘being happy’ that’s crass. Real happyness is infectious and great, makes everyone else happy. It’s false patronizing happyness that’s crass. Bubbly, gushing, aren’t we all having a lovely time insincerity, the mouth smiles but the eyes say go away. I’d rather people be honest. I’ve meet people who were honestly down and showed it and I’ve said something to make them smile. They felt better, I felt better because they felt better. Where as you meet someone who’s acting happy and jovial when they’re not. You know it but don’t want to let them know you know it and just feel awkward and that makes you feel bad and irritated because you feel their insincerity is a reflection of how they really feel about you.

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  • david

    was just reading though some of the comments and at the end of the day we are just as bad as each other and need to stop watching movies. and in england we all dont speak like the queen or hugh grant. hehe

  • bimbola

    Some of the comments I read are rather sad. Why is everyone hating on each other?

    That said, this list just sort of sounds like a continuation on the “What Americans do that drive Brits nuts.” I think the writer is very homesick and not all that fond of Americans.

    We’re just from different countries, doesn’t mean we have to be rude to each other.

  • kat shepherd

    Pronouncing the state of Maryland as “Mary” “Land” instead of “Marilyn”, as in Marilyn Monroe.

    • anneisanne

      Yeah and every single place name in Britain is similarly garbled as our pronunciation of Maryland, but they can’t grasp this one for us. Weird.

      • Schmem

        I was endlessly picked on for my inability to correctly pronounce “Coventry” correctly. But I just silently grumbled whenever I heard “MaryLand” or “Los Angeleeees” or, to me, even worse – “Barrack” Obama (as in Army barracks). Even on the BBC. Ugh.

        • RogueChocolate

          Leicestershire, Worcestershire, Warwickshire, Norwich, Norfolk, anything that ends in -shire, and yes the mispronunciation of Coventry by everyone over here.

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    • sarah

      Any true Maylander will tell you that it is pronounced Merylin. Well at least people from Pretty Getto County.

    • Megatron

      Seriously?? I never knew that. We have Maryland cookies over here, so then that’s how we think the state is pronounced.

  • Tom

    I must say, I would miss the Indian takeaways on every other street if I moved to America.

    • Abby

      We replaced them with Chinese! :D

    • http://twitter.com/youngnbitter Remain Anon

      Depends on were you are.. if you are in the SF Bay Area and in the south bay/fremont area — you are covered! Lots of Indian Joints.

      • RicJan

        Yes, but, sorry, the Indian eateries in the Bay Area really aren’t a patch on pretty much any Indian in the UK. On the other hand, I would not dream of eating Chinese in the UK – the Bay Area definitely has the good ones. (I’m a Brit expat, and my American wife agrees with these views.)

  • Kate

    Heck, I merely visited and my friends are already tired of me complaining about missing curry. Luckily there is an import shop in my town that carries curry, HP sauce, and REAL Cadbury.

  • Will Poundstone

    i’m glad someone understands that we Americans don’t find those stereotypes funny

  • VH

    Sorry, I’m an American that finds these article not only extremely stupid but highly insulting from both ends. I was just in Britain, don’t share any of your perceived views and hated your article on what Brits hate about Americans. Really, how about something that’s not so juvenile.

    • Dido

      Really! Well travel the world a bit more! The statement you have just made is typically ignorant’ I’m sorry but maybe you need not be so juvenile in your opinion

    • maineman65

      I’m American as well and you totally missed the humor. Been to the UK several times and this was a good example of Brit Wit

  • WF

    1) Saying the phrase “American optimism” as if it was the new ice-cream flavor they just couldn’t find in Britain! It’s extremely annoying and with the economy in the tank, I have yet to see so much of this as of late. And the British are not this gloomy bunch so many of them parade that they are! Saying “brilliant” with such enthusiasm that one in America might have thought a new planet had been discovered is far from “gloom and doom.” What about British optimism? Surely this next ice-cream flavor is in your country.

    2) Generalizing like crazy and then having the arrogance, or perhaps PTSD-like inclination, to justify it every single time. At times, it’s a joke between friends and no harm done, but at others, respect your audience a bit as you may not know nothing of them! Not all my British friends/acquaintances do this — see, I’m not generalizing, am I — but enough have and it can be presumptuous and timed a lot better.

    3) Saying rubber to mean eraser. I shouldn’t have to explain that.

    4) Overusing understatement and indirectness (no irony intended in the choice of those two words). My blood has boiled when I’ve had to hear, “Will, I was going to ask you to do …” Just politely ask me outright instead of stating some failed action on your part! What am I going to do? Dump the contents of a used airsickness bag onto your forehead?

    5) Calling me “mate” when you don’t know me much. Now, most Brits I’ve met haven’t done this to the extreme, but just enough have that I felt it worthy to mention. This simply sounds fake and insincere, and is like being called “buddy” in America. I do not liken myself to Bill Clinton’s beloved Labrador Retriever, so therefore you should well know that I do not wish to be likened to a being you seek carnal relations with in the hope of making a creature with half of your DNA code.

    6) Thinking that Americans cannot rant half as well as you can. Now, I’ve only heard this from a couple of Brits so I guess it’s a bit cheap of me to include it on this list, but wait! I am a ranter. The Michael Phelps of ranting I dare say. In fact, if the Queen heard me rant she’d give me citizenship and knight me faster than Ben Affleck rehearses for his acting roles!

    7) Saying the overused, and by now cliche, phrase “at the end of the day.” At the end of which day? Your last day? Christmas? Yom Kippur (in which case, that means one can eat after 24 tortuous hours of moaning and groaning about oppression)? Just finish your sentence nicely, concisely, and confidently. At the end my ranting at you for not doing that, you will have forgotten the need to ever attach this to the end or beginning of any sentence in the future.

    Well, I don’t have ten at the moment, but seven is luckier. And to be fair, inherent in my nature, I will compose a list of the most annoying things I think my fellow Americans do.

  • Ollie from UK

    I don’t know much about America, nor do I care.There are two articles, one saying what the British hate, and the other about Americans. Seriously guys, we’re not the same country nor do we use the same language. We are both independent and not connected nations. There is no way of speaking right, or spelling right.

    Brits and Americans are both stupid. Also, the British are very patriotic… So please, author, please, stop with this false sense of superiority

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/NTECPTBTPG3IZVVJFCMS7THAEI Daggy Tongbong

    Well that was a nice bunch of tired stereotypes. I’m pretty sure the author has never met an actual flesh-and-blood British person.

  • CCr

    Children, calm down. Get over yourselves. It’s just a joke.

    • TA

      Wow. You complain-mongers suck.

  • Jen

    um, as an American, I find that you missed the mark entirely. You don’t know what we think, how we cook or how much we do or don’t go to the doctor! Idiot!

  • TA

    Wow. So many people griping below. Where’s yer sense of humor??? Geez. IT’S FREAKING MONDAY and yer wasting such energy on complaining? Shuddup and go throw some curried shrimp on the barby or whatever fun stereotype’s gonna piss you off. Sigh.

  • Meagan

    I think Brits should just be themselves. The cultural idiosyncrasies developed in each country is what makes one unique as a person, especially when traveling, and it helps others to identify with the fact that it takes many people to make up a whole. I’m from the United States, and yes, there are quite a few people around here that can be perceived as ignorant (there are also a few throats that I’d like to get my hands around because of this), but usually their ignorance is universal, not just towards cultural identity.

    If you really want to know what Americans find annoying about Brits in particular, you may find that it all depends on where you are located in the United States, lol. I find your sarcasm to be utterly adorable, personally… ;)

  • KimberlyJ1792

    This is cute. I am from US, my fiance is from UK. I’m always on him about tipping!

  • http://twitter.com/youngnbitter Remain Anon

    Wow.. most of the American comments here kind of prove that we (I am an American) don’t get British humor… Take the giant bug outta your a$$ and relax a little… maybe, dare I say it? LAUGH — CHILL OUT! It was written (very tongue in cheek) by Simon Pegg.. you know — the dude who gave us Sean of the Dead and is the new Scotty… CHILL OUT!

    • careyt

      um… Simon Pegg didn’t write this, that is just his picture up there. Ruth Margolis is the writer.

  • careyt

    LMFAO! I can’t believe how many people are butthurt about this article. it’s called a joke ya limey bastards.

  • http://www.facebook.com/kkthekat Kate Knox

    so apparently I AM british…….. I do pretty much everything on that list –except I can tell american money apart— especially cooking vegetable. If they’re still crunchy, they’re not done. Most american restaurants serve way undercooked veggies….. especially broccoli….

  • Chiara

    LOL at British people thinking Americans are fat. ;)

  • kb

    Um, I dating a British guy and these are funny. He did have the best smile, I’d ever seen tho :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/niamh17 Tracy Robinson

    Taken with a pinch of salt this list was quite funny. I must admit when asked what I miss most about home I do say Marks and Spencers, but seriously its amazing and unrivaled! I also avoid the Doctors at all cost but don’t all normal people? As to the rest im a very generous tipper here cos they work bloody hard as opposed to a lot of the lazy sods back home who think serving you is doing you a favour, Thats why I tip low there!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=648265595 Lisa Venezia Giannotti

    Well, as an American with a British friend or two, I can’t say I’ve seen them do any of these things honestly. Never heard of Marks and Spencer either. I live in NJ. I can get just about every ethnic food I want and at all times of the day or night. And, living in NJ, we don’t say hello to everyone. Try walking the street in NYC saying hi to people. Just try it lol. Still, it’s a cute list. Not very realistic, but cute.

  • http://www.facebook.com/kprochas Kerry Prochaska

    Having spent time working in England, illegally of course but it was a long time ago, I can attest to everyone of these 10 items. I can and will defend the Brits about tipping; it’s just not done in pubs and other British eating establishments. However in foreign restaurants it is very acceptable to leave a tip and they very much appreciated this Yanks 20% tips. I did see some bad teeth amongst the older Brits but not with the younger. Yes the vegetables were over cooked even by my standards of liking my vegetables soft. I absolutely miss the take away curries. I bought many of my lunches at M&S. By the time I left England to return to San Diego I too was reserved and thought that the other Yanks on the flight were too noisy. As for British money I came to love the feeling of those heavy pound coins in my pocket. I miss England and need to return sometime soon. I need to surf on the Cornish coast and up in Scotland.

  • CathyD

    Yes, well, I’m an American living in Canada, which is pretty much the same. My daughter married a Scot and is now living south of London. Your list is brilliant! Everything is absolutely true and I love everything on it! Can’t wait to read the other list, 10 Things Americans Do That Drive Brits Nuts! Again, brilliant! Cheers!

  • Paul in NJ

    “[Americans] won’t pick up on our brand of sarcasm.” Not exactly true, thanks to a decades-long diet of snarky Monty Python skits.

    • shari mcnally

      And Benny Hill lol

  • Liz

    If ever it makes you feel better about tipping your US waitress, know that in most states they only make $2.13/hour, or for today’s conversion value £1.32/hr. Because of taxes, the only money we ever actually get is from our tips.

  • Dan

    Oh my god!! lol this is funny, places ending with shire Worcestershire etc.. i agree wtf?? i can’t even spell them properly. you yanks just do my head in because you call a beefburger a bloody hamburger? why? your not that stupid you think there is the meat from a pig in your “beef patties” do you? if your not why do you continue to say it?

    oh and Hershey chocolate smells like baby sick and tastes like cheap powdery chocolate you would get in one of those chocolate imitation cigarettes.

    oh and at the guy who thinks this is wrote by Simon Pegg ROFL just because his image is at the top don’t jump to conclusions, can you see a male actor buying some tampons? (also if you look at who wrote the article it was a lady named Ruth)

    Take care Yanks.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000648267352 Steve Harris

      Well to answer we call them Hamburgers because they came out
      of Hamburg Germany. I figured you brits would have known that.

      Why do you call a trunk a boot? It looks nothing like one.

      Hershey’s chocolate is not supposed to be good chocolate it’s
      for the kids.

      If you want to really know what drives me nuts, how all you brits
      take your slang insults and combined them together to make up new insults.

      Or these:

      Brit rubber = eraser

      Yank rubber = condom

      Brit fag = cigarette

      Yank fag = homosexual

      Brit fog = smoke a cigarette

      Yank fog = fog

      Brit slag = sexually active woman

      yank slag = hot metal sliver form welding

      I’m sure there are more but I’m tired at the moment maybe
      someone can add some more.

      I just wanted to say I think whoever said this write seems
      to not like us yanks, I’m on board with that, last time I was in the UK I didn’t
      see any of this brash discontent with us yanks in fact I think I had girls practically
      throwing themselves at me when I went the pubs. Then again it was fairly easy
      to tell I was not a brit as I was out and about with my Tommy Fleece in Red
      white and blue coloring and a very American hairdo.

      • Megatron

        Fog doesn’t generally mean to smoke a cigarette, Fog means fog.

  • cassandra

    haha im sorry but i definatly do not agree wirh the last one ha just like to point that out

  • M

    Sense of humor is right! I laughed my “arse” off! At any rate, very entertaining!

  • xXValkyrieXx

    honestly, I don’t like being American..I’d rather be British..

  • laukie

    Nothing like a good chuckle, hehe…

  • http://www.facebook.com/sarah.spencer.1671 Sarah Spencer

    I literally laughed out loud. Hee, hee, “creepy pyramids.” I always did think that all seeing eye was creepy.

    I could totally pass of as a Brit, eh, minus the accent. I’m quite a bit of a sarcastic, non-smiling misanthrope with ragged nails and less than stellar teeth.

  • Blair

    I just realised that my last name Blair really explains why I agree with everything this Brit is saying

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003347152952 KL InIdaho

    I live in Idaho and I can get curry. It’s not hard to get.

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