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Tim has decided to leave Wernham Hogg and return to university. He wants to learn about more than the price of Opti-Bright Laser Copy Paper, while Gareth ponders, "Will there ever be a boy born who can swim faster than a shark?"
Donna is late for work. David is cool with the fact that she stayed at a bloke's house. He knows he could stay at Dawn's (no, he couldn't), and there would be no funny business. And there wasn't, "apart from the sex," Donna explains.
But other things are on David's mind: a new secretary. While the "bosses" recommend cutting back, David wonders "who's to say that hiring staff won't save money in the long run?"
David quickly gets through the first interview, with a bloke. Then he freshens up with an aftershave sample before his interview with the other candidate, Karen Roper. He hires her on the spot, charmed by her stories of exploring herself (and Asia) without a boyfriend. insists she join him for a celebratory tipple.
Meanwhile, Gareth holds a mandatory Health and Safety Training for Donna. He reviews the hidden dangers of placing fluids in the vicinity of a computer and lifting boxes. Gareth endeavors to find out if Donna will be sleeping with her office love again, or if she plans on "spreading it around."
Later, Finchy pops round the office to prepare for his night with David and Gareth. Tim decides to join them, if only for the conversation.
At the club, David, Gareth, and Finchy introduce themselves to some young women. Finchy is instantly successful. Gareth manages to get friendly with a leather-clad biker chick, even though the place is full of loose women. Venereal disease is disabilitating for a soldier.
David's not having any luck, till he spots Karen and corners her. He explains how the staff loves him and he loves them, and she'll grow to love him. Not anything sexual...
Gareth snogs his biker babe while her husband watches on. No way, Gareth will have none of that, "another girl, maybe, not another bloke." Donna reveals her office love when she shares a passionate kiss with Ricky. David would prefer it if she slept with a permanent member of staff, like Gareth. But she could never be with an weasel-faced arse. David calls him an arse-faced weasel. Gareth prefers weasel-face arse.
The night wears on.
The next morning, David recites, with commentary, the poem "Slough" by Sir John Betjeman. As he reads, we glimpse the end of the previous night: Finchy making it with a young woman, Tim and David heading to another pub, Gareth in a side-car driving off into the night.
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