I watched Maya’s funeral today from afar, and she was there, too. I remember going to my own funeral – the vicar thought I was some tragic lesbian. Yeah, right! That was a right laugh, but Maya wasn’t enjoying her own funeral so much. I met her afterwards and she was upset I didn't attend. I feel awful about how and why she was killed. If I hadn’t been perving after her, Malachi would never have put her in front of that car.

Leon dumped Ella. He knows he can't compete with fallen angels and warriors of good and evil. He and Ella are in totally different dimensions. I must say it was a huge blow to her 500 yr old ego – even though she’s totally gagging for Malachi. He knows it too, so he's putting the sex vibe out big time. It’s certainly having an effect – let’s just say I hope she doesn’t have to use her brain in the near future because all her blood’s been diverted to other organs!

Speaking of raging hormones, I never could put my lust on hold, why bother, life is short, but death is longer, and well, yes there is a point here. Maya and I put on a naughty little show in the cafeteria. No-one could see us of course, but it was still a thrill. It’s terrible, being dead is bringing out the exhibitionist in me. Afterwards, I noticed that she has the same mark on her neck that Malachi has on his. That can't be good, can it? I went to him to find out what was going on. He told me the tattoo means – property of Malachi. He said it's the universe's fault – not his. And that's supposed to solve things? Bloody perfect.

Ella went into hiding. She asked me to come to her. It was dark, and I couldn't really see but when my eyes adjusted I saw that she was covered head to toe in hideous boils. Never a good look! Big bad arch-angel Raphael paid her yet another visit to tell her that the boils are divine punishment. She strayed from the path her destiny has laid out for her. If she can control her shameful lust, the plague will go away. I thought shameful lust was my specialty. Anyway, easier said than done…all I can do is keep her fed and watered, but I have no ability to cure a Biblical plague. I still say Malachi is a scheming prick and he's not to be trusted, but she doesn't seem to think so.

Ella isn't the only one suffering plagues of Biblical proportions. Malachi's eyesight is worsening by the day. Unless he forgets her he'll never see her or anything else ever again. Which could be a blessing in disguise because Ella's looking worse by the minute, disgusting in fact. While we were talking about how life and death is so unfair, Malachi came stumbling around looking for her, but Ella made me promise to never tell him where she was.

My love life’s looking shaky, too - Maya's getting curious about that mark on her neck, and said if I won't tell her what it is, that she's got all the time in the world to find out. Shit. I've got to get Malachi to remove that mark from Maya's neck. It'll ruin everything if she finds out; she's really important to me. But Malachi’s too involved in his own misery to hear my needs. He's totally blind, can't see a thing. I guess that's his punishment for caving to earthly urges with the enemy. I told him I'd take him to Ella, too bad Leon had the same idea – he was prompted by Raphael to go to her, but he took one look at her boil ridden face and ran out. Well, it isn't pretty now is it? Malachi, on the other hand can't see her, so they could make the perfect match – although he’ll get a shock if he brushes against any boils. Anyway, he can’t be too repulsed by her as they finally got it together. Not only did the earth move but the entire sky erupted in a spectacular lightshow. Looks like their game of hide the salami has caused a storm in heaven.