WATCH: How To Open A Bottle Of Wine With A Shoe

What do you fancy, red or white? (Photo via AP)

What do you fancy, red or white? (Photo via AP)

Today, we shall, for the good of all humanity, finally heal a social wound that has vexed some of the finest minds (drunk and sober) ever to cogitate on a conundrum.

This is an issue that goes beyond nationality, beyond issues of borders or culture or any of that stuff.

How do you open a bottle of wine if you have no bottle opener? Do, as we used to when I was younger, more foolish and far prettier than I am now, find a spoon or screwdriver and jam the cork further in, until, with a fountainous squirt, the seal is broken, but the cork remains trapped? Or do you effect some kind of smashing maneuver and straing the broken glass out with your teeth?

Note: if you do do that, don’t do that.

Well, help is at hand, thanks to MirabeauWine, who have released this video, showing you a safe way to get at your wine without risking gums or soft furnishings: 

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Fraser McAlpine

Fraser McAlpine

Fraser is a British writer, broadcaster and the the author of the book Stuff Brits Like. He is Anglophenia's resident Brit blogger, having written BBC Radio 1's Chart Blog, the Top of the Pops website, and for NME, the Guardian and elsewhere. Favorite topics include slang, Doctor Who and cramming as much music into Anglophenia as he can manage. He invites you to join him on Twitter: @csi_popmusic
View all posts by Fraser McAlpine.