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Let’s not beat about the bush, we all know the Brits have a bit of a thing for sexual wordplay. They’re always at it! Even when there is no call for a rude pun or double entendre, you can rely on a Brit to stick one in, just to inject a bit of sauce. They love to ram the point home. Et cetera.
This, then, is why the name Randall has never really caught on in the UK. People called Randall are never called Randall, it always gets shortened to Randy, and as far as the Brits are concerned, that word has one meaning, and one meaning only: horny.
Oh sure, it sort of means the same thing in America too, but as a term it has never caught on in the same sort of way. And in Britain, Randy isn’t a common enough name to evade the sexual stigma. Just as there’s a global waning of men called Richard who are happy to shorten their name to Dick, you’d struggle to find too many Randys in the UK, unless they were named by sadistic parents who hoped to teach their kids to fight at school.
So, here’s a brief glossary of American Randy celebrities, with the British translations underneath.
We’ll start with an easy one:
The son of Randy Jack, whose own randiness is unrecorded.
Far less of a sexual chauvinist than Randy Oldman
A predatory guy in a taxi, whose chat-up line is “you talkin’ to me?”
Giving grain the grind of a lifetime.
An equal-opportunities sexy guy.
The sexiest place to cross the river craw. Which has a set of tributary streams called…
The water doesn’t flow, so much as spurt.
Far friendlier than Frigid East.
Spears PLURAL? That’s just showing off, my good man.
The ninth Harry Potter movie, in which things develop between him and Ginny.
“Boobies. B-O-O-B-I-E-S. Boobies”
A sexually-charged musical about Victorian ne’er do wells, presumbly written by Charles Dick-ins.
A morlock with a boner, basically.
Even colours get sexy sometimes. How do you think they invented pink?
Got your own Randy idea? Stick it in the box below….
See more posts by Fraser McAlpine
Fraser has been writing and broadcasting about music and popular culture for over 15 years, first at the Top of the Pops website, and most recently for the NME, Guardian and MSN. He also wrote BBC Radio 1's Chart Blog and reviews albums for BBC Radio 2.
He is Anglophenia's current resident Brit, blogging about British slang and running around the Mall taking snaps of the crowd at the Royal Wedding, as well as reigniting a childhood passion for classic Doctor Who and cramming as much music in as he can manage.
Fraser invites you to join him on Twitter: @csi_popmusic