Fraser’s Phrases: The Greatest Hits of the Uxbridge English Dictionary (Part 2)

Propeller: Method for keeping Ms Fitzgerald upright.

As the last skim across the hidden delights of the Uxbridge English Dictionary proved to be such a hit (it’s here, if you missed it), here’s another dip into the vat of eternal delights. This time we’ve focussed our search on the letters I – P.

(Don’t worry, you’ll pick it up as you read on)

Icicle: A bicycle made by Apple.

Immunised: To be innoculated against Emus.

Impale: Alcoholic beverage for a small goblin.

Implement: Funeral dirge for a small goblin.

Important: Buy an ant from abroad.

Importune: Unable to sing properly.

Incandescent: Rolling downhill in a tin.

Increment: The opposite of excrement.

Ingnorant: To totally disregard an insect.

Insolvent: A small covered duct at the back of a shoe.

Investigator: To include a crocodilian in the New Years Honours list.

Juniper: Did you bite that woman?

Justice: Nothing other than ice.

Kaleidoscope: New traffic camera which only captures accidents.

Kingdom: A contraceptive specially made for royalty.

Kindred: Fear of one’s own family.

Knowing: Unable to fly.

Kowtow: To drag a large farm animal.

Lackadaisical: A bicycle made for one.

Lactose: A person missing two or more of the five foot digits.

Lactose Intolerant: A person who becomes very angry when missing two or more of the five foot digits.

Lavender: Someone who’s sole purpose is to destroy toilets.

Lobster: Someone addicted to throwing things.

Locomotive: A plea of insanity.

Ludicrous: What happens when you lose at ludo.

Magistrate: Madge isnt a lesbian.

Malcontent: What you find in your local shopping arcade.

Malediction: Irresistble compulsion to spend all your time in a shopping arcade.

Malinger: A person who hangs around shopping centres.

Mandrake: A mythical creature, half man half duck.

Manganese: A condition affecting the leg joints of Japanese comic artists.

Miasma: The reason I carry my inhaler.

Migrate: The speed that a Russian fighter jet travels at.

Minister: Only moving the teaspoon very slightly.

Myspace: The velocity of rodents.

Noble: Really true.

Nomad: Not at all angry.

Nostrum: Misplayed guitar chord.

Notable: A complete lack of desks.

Nudity: A song to sing when the old one gets stale and boring.

Oasis: A card player’s cry of delight.

Odyssey: A slightly stranger ocean.

Okapi; All right, a pie.

Operated: A classical music loving soft toy.

Orphanage: Anywhere between about 3 and 18, usually.

Ostracised: To be innoculated against Ostriches.

Panache: Residue in the skillet due to excessive heat.

Paperback: What a masseuse earns.

Paramedics; Two doctors.

Partridge; Just a bit of a hill.

Pearly: A bit like a pear.

Penitent; Extremely inexpensive camping equipment.

Perversion: The cat’s story.

Phantom; To waft air over a male cat.

Piccalilli: To take a flower.

Pipette: A very small pip.

Pirate: A very angry pie.

Now, go and make your own up. It’s fun!

Fraser McAlpine

Fraser McAlpine

Fraser is a British writer, broadcaster and the the author of the book Stuff Brits Like. He is Anglophenia's resident Brit blogger, having written BBC Radio 1's Chart Blog, the Top of the Pops website, and for NME, the Guardian and elsewhere. Favorite topics include slang, Doctor Who and cramming as much music into Anglophenia as he can manage. He invites you to join him on Twitter: @csi_popmusic
View all posts by Fraser McAlpine.