Unlike many of his showbiz colleagues, 29-year-old British actor Max Irons, son of Oscar winner Jeremy Irons, isn’t a fan …Read Now
Fraser’s Phrases: The Greatest Hits of the Uxbridge English Dictionary (Part 2)
As the last skim across the hidden delights of the Uxbridge English Dictionary proved to be such a hit (it’s here, if you missed it), here’s another dip into the vat of eternal delights. This time we’ve focussed our search on the letters I – P.
(Don’t worry, you’ll pick it up as you read on)
Icicle: A bicycle made by Apple.
Immunised: To be innoculated against Emus.
Impale: Alcoholic beverage for a small goblin.
Implement: Funeral dirge for a small goblin.
Important: Buy an ant from abroad.
Importune: Unable to sing properly.
Incandescent: Rolling downhill in a tin.
Increment: The opposite of excrement.
Ingnorant: To totally disregard an insect.
Insolvent: A small covered duct at the back of a shoe.
Investigator: To include a crocodilian in the New Years Honours list.
Juniper: Did you bite that woman?
Justice: Nothing other than ice.
Kaleidoscope: New traffic camera which only captures accidents.
Kingdom: A contraceptive specially made for royalty.
Kindred: Fear of one’s own family.
Knowing: Unable to fly.
Kowtow: To drag a large farm animal.
Lackadaisical: A bicycle made for one.
Lactose: A person missing two or more of the five foot digits.
Lactose Intolerant: A person who becomes very angry when missing two or more of the five foot digits.
Lavender: Someone who’s sole purpose is to destroy toilets.
Lobster: Someone addicted to throwing things.
Locomotive: A plea of insanity.
Ludicrous: What happens when you lose at ludo.
Magistrate: Madge isnt a lesbian.
Malcontent: What you find in your local shopping arcade.
Malediction: Irresistble compulsion to spend all your time in a shopping arcade.
Malinger: A person who hangs around shopping centres.
Mandrake: A mythical creature, half man half duck.
Manganese: A condition affecting the leg joints of Japanese comic artists.
Miasma: The reason I carry my inhaler.
Migrate: The speed that a Russian fighter jet travels at.
Minister: Only moving the teaspoon very slightly.
Myspace: The velocity of rodents.
Noble: Really true.
Nomad: Not at all angry.
Nostrum: Misplayed guitar chord.
Notable: A complete lack of desks.
Nudity: A song to sing when the old one gets stale and boring.
Oasis: A card player’s cry of delight.
Odyssey: A slightly stranger ocean.
Okapi; All right, a pie.
Operated: A classical music loving soft toy.
Orphanage: Anywhere between about 3 and 18, usually.
Ostracised: To be innoculated against Ostriches.
Panache: Residue in the skillet due to excessive heat.
Paperback: What a masseuse earns.
Paramedics; Two doctors.
Partridge; Just a bit of a hill.
Pearly: A bit like a pear.
Penitent; Extremely inexpensive camping equipment.
Perversion: The cat’s story.
Phantom; To waft air over a male cat.
Piccalilli: To take a flower.
Pipette: A very small pip.
Pirate: A very angry pie.
Now, go and make your own up. It’s fun!