Hold on tight, this could get messy. After the astonishing triumph of our guides to dressing like Edina and Patsy from AbFab (see below), we couldn’t very well leave the rest of the gang out, and in particular, we have to consider the eye-peeling fashion wonderment that is Eddie’s assistant Bubble.
Never knowingly underdressed, Bubble’s ‘look’ is an ever-changing source of delight…wait, do I mean delight? No that can’t be right. Oh wait, EYE-STRAIN, that’s the term I was thinking of.
Over the course of the next few photographs, we aim to offer a brief guide to achieving that look, should you a) be going to a fancy dress party or b) want to stop traffic wherever you go.
1: Hair – Curly and blonde. You can tie it up in rags, you can do those Björkish head-blobs, you can obscure it with funny hats or hold it back with preposterous shades, you can even go strawberry blonde, but so long as the frizz on top matches the frizz within, you’re on the right track.
2: Headgear – Now here’s your chance to get a bit creative. Despite her appearance at times, Bubble doesn’t just throw together the loudest, brightest clothes she can get her hands on to try to confuse moths. She often dresses thematically, and this gives you the chance to wear the hat that matches the outfit. This thematic ensemble, for example, is clearly supposed to represent some tropical relation of Big Bird from Sesame Street, with a poncho on top, right?
OK, sometime the choices are a little baffling, but that’s good. Embrace the baffling, ride the confusion, that’s the Bubble way.
3: Jacket – Well again, Bubble’s tendency to dress with a particular theme in mind makes the idea of her having a specific type of jacket rather moot. However, as we can see here, she’s not above wearing a smart business suit, so long as it’s nice and bright, and accessorised properly (see the matching headband and top?).
4: Tops – Well you’ve got a world of fashion to choose from here. But if in doubt, think impractical. Furry or feathery things, for example, are a must. The kind of items it is impossible to wear more than once because they tend to absorb food and other sticky things, and start to get matted and gross. Not that Bubble would be seen dead in the same thing twice in any case.
5: The lower half – You’d think it would be dictated by whatever astonishment is going on up top, but not necessarily, as this picture proves. Ruff collar, roughly knitted jumper with woollen accessories at the front, and then an embroidered, knee-length greeny-blue gathered skirt in an almost (but not quite) sympathetic shade? Well alright then, if you must…
7: Accessories – well pretty much anything goes, really. Look, here’s an apron. And she’s rag-rolled her hair too. I guess the only thing to bear in mind is that while she often looks ridiculous, she’s just as likely to look good. Whether she is able to tell the difference herself is another matter.
6: Footwear – brightly colored pantyhose are a must, whether all one color or stripes like these. As for shoes, you can pick out something impossibly odd from the wildest couture, or go with whatever suits your theme, as Bubble has done here. Nothing comfortable or ordinary though.
7: Accessories part 2 – Don’t rule out accessories that are alive (or indeed sleeves which look like soufflés).
And here we are, the piece de resistance, the full Bubble. Half elf, half Teletubby globe thing, and not all there. Best of luck reaching her giddy heights.
Fraser has been writing and broadcasting about music and popular culture for over 15 years, first at the Top of the Pops website, and most recently for the NME, Guardian and MSN. He also wrote BBC Radio 1's Chart Blog and reviews albums for BBC Radio 2.
He is Anglophenia's current resident Brit, blogging about British slang and running around the Mall taking snaps of the crowd at the Royal Wedding, as well as reigniting a childhood passion for classic Doctor Who and cramming as much music in as he can manage.
Fraser invites you to join him on Twitter: @csi_popmusic