Welcome back! After yesterday’s guide to dressing like Patsy Stone, we need to explore the yang to her yin, the Scooby to her Shaggy, the sprawling mess of birthday trifle to her sensible cucumber sandwiches: Edina Monsoon.
Over the next few pages we’ll have a look at some of Eddie’s most striking (and eyewatering) fashion statements, and why she feels compelled to wear them. This is designed to be a public service, so that you can, as the style magazines say, get her look.
Why you would want to do this is entirely your own affair.
1: Hair – This is the one constant in Edina’s look, so you’ve got to get it right. If you’re blessed with naturally curly hair, you just need that dark reddish tint (it’s probably got a proper name, like Titian Shadow or Strawberries At Night) and you’re set. If not, well, you can go for a tight perm (note: don’t go for a tight perm) or spend ages using rollers or curling tongs. Or get a wig. In fact, unless you love Edina’s hair and wish to wear it for always, get a wig.
2: Headgear – The beauty of attempting to dress like Edina is that nothing is off the table (except timeless good taste). So that means you can chase any amount of hats, from wide-brimmed cowgirl (see pic) to burberry fishing hats to knitted skullcaps, and you won’t ever be wrong.
3: Jacket – This is the classic Eddie jacket, the bright jigsaw-piece eyepoker from the early days of Ab Fab. The key with Eddie is to look at whatever is going on right now, fashion-wise, and get the youngest, loudest, least-subtle version of that, the kind of thing a teenager would buy on a dare. Eddie is driven by the idea that she is still in touch with modern culture, which means modern youth culture, so whatever ‘the kids’ are into, so is she.
3: Jacket (part 2) – Not that Edina is afraid to try something a little more couture, but it still has to be essentially preposterous.
4: Tops – Classic Edina is all about the spiritual, so think patchwork, or those fractal long-sleeved T-shirts with astrological signs on them, or expensive tie-dye fabrics (especially with wildly clashing colors) are all good. And if it doesn’t go with the jacket, so much the better!
5: The lower half – Well this will largely be dictated by whatever astonishing creation adorns your upper half. This picture, for example, sees our heroine wearing those three-quarter-length space pants that were hot in the early naughties. If you can get some, buy a size too small, to emphasise the ‘mutton dressed as lamb’ aspect of Edina’s signature look.
6: Shoes – brash and uncomfortable, or just plain odd. Anything which increases the likelihood of a tumble in the middle of a moment of strutting peacock pomposity is even better.
7: Makeup – Edina thinks of herself as a bit of an Earth Mother, and so she’s not often that lavish with the makeup. There’s a lot of natural tones rather than garish red lips and dark eyes. Same with fingernails. For all that she’s brash with clothes, it’s less apparent with her makeup.
8: Accessories – Lots and lots of rings, the more hand-made and hippyish (and therefore spiritual) the better. Turquoise is a particular favorite, and you can get a couple of bangles too. Talismanic neckwear (anything from rope gold to leather medals to crystals) is a must too.
Facial expression – Pick an object in the middle distance and let your eyes go out of focus, then glare at it, as if it’s a book that you are trying to read, but it won’t keep still. Get annoyed with it. Then suck your cheeks in. Then, while doing all of the above, try and work out the square root of Wednesday. Now look in the mirror. That’s the face you want.
And there we have it! If you’ve followed all of our instructions you should now be able to bellow “sweetie darling” while dangling a cigarette from your mouth and pouring a glass of champagne with total confidence. Enjoy!
Fraser has been writing and broadcasting about music and popular culture for over 15 years, first at the Top of the Pops website, and most recently for the NME, Guardian and MSN. He also wrote BBC Radio 1's Chart Blog and reviews albums for BBC Radio 2.
He is Anglophenia's current resident Brit, blogging about British slang and running around the Mall taking snaps of the crowd at the Royal Wedding, as well as reigniting a childhood passion for classic Doctor Who and cramming as much music in as he can manage.
Fraser invites you to join him on Twitter: @csi_popmusic