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To bring our season of Top Gear-related cosplay posts to a close, here’s the one you’ve all been waiting for: never mind Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond or James May, here’s the big cheese, the inflatable spatula, the spam elephant himself*, it’s the Stig.
2: Shirt – No shirt.
3: Tie – No tie.
4: Jacket – No jacket.
5: Trousers – No trousers. You just need that racing driver fire-proof onesie. Or a boiler suit that you’ve padded at the shoulders.
6: Shoes – White basketball boots will do nicely.
As for accessories, you’ll need a pair of white ski gloves, and the ability to stand quite still with your arms folded. Do not dance, do not flop down on the sofa. Do not take your helmet off to have a drink. Do not take your helmet off to eat a vol-au-vent. Do not take your helmet off because you are hot. Do not take your helmet off to snog a hottie. Do. Not. Take. Your. Helmet. Off.
Other than that, have a brilliant Christmas party!
* sorry, I got excited.
Fraser has been writing and broadcasting about music and popular culture for over 15 years, first at the Top of the Pops website, and most recently for the NME, Guardian and MSN. He also wrote BBC Radio 1's Chart Blog and reviews albums for BBC Radio 2.
He is Anglophenia's current resident Brit, blogging about British slang and running around the Mall taking snaps of the crowd at the Royal Wedding, as well as reigniting a childhood passion for classic Doctor Who and cramming as much music in as he can manage.
Fraser invites you to join him on Twitter: @csi_popmusic