How To Dress Like Richard Hammond

Richard Hammond (AP Photo/Lionel Cironneau)

Having dispensed with Clarkson, the cosplay colossus, it’s time to devote our attention to the diminutive fashion delight that is Richard Hammond. For anyone wishing to swipe his style – and far be it from us to question your motives, in our minds there are a LOT of Top Gear fancy dress parties to attend – there are a few basic rules you’ll need to follow.

1: Hair – getting the Hammond hair is trickier than you might think. It’s a style which betrays a certain amount of styling – more so than either of his co-hosts, at any rate – but which is also unattended, to a very specific level. Think if it as being like the school prefect who has just discovered the thrills of breaking the rules here and there. The short-back-and-sides has long since grown out into an unruly shag, but it still has shape. If you’re untroubled by hair, get yourself a Beatle wig and give it some volume in the right places using, y’know, hair products (or sump oil, if you’re at all worried about looking vain).

2: Teeth – whitened (allegedly). Use a cut-up plastic cup if your own teeth don’t quite make the grade.

3: Shirt – again, the look you’re aiming for is of someone who spends a little bit more on his clothes than the other two. So the shirts are of a noticably more modern design and cut. But not too modern. The true Hammond will rock a shirt that makes him look like a dandy, unless he is in the company of an actual dandy. Oh and nothing too bright. Even the white shirts are off-white. Oh and never, ever tuck them in.

4: Jacket – sports jackets in dark colors are a particular favorite. Or something leathery and mid-length. Black leather or tan suede, preferably. Avoid the blouson or anything that puffs out unduly. Hammond’s clothes all have that retro ’70s cut to them. Speaking of which…

5: Trousers – jeans. Stone-washed and boot-cut. And expensive-looking. The classic Hammond looks like an off-duty rock star at his child’s nativity.

6: Shoes – the only deviation from the ’70s cut. Flat-soled, flat-toed shoes in grey or black, with some intricate stitching somewhere. Nothing too heeled or pointy, or cheap.

Accessories: Something stringy to go around the wrist is a must, maybe one of those copper arthritis bracelets too. Also… how can I put this delicately? Ah yes. If you’re going to dress as Richard Hammond, your corresponding Clarkson and May have to be noticably taller than you are. So if you’re a six-footer, cultivate some friends with very long legs (or a pair of stilts).

If at the end of all this you don’t look at least a little bit like the younger brother of Davy Jones from the Monkees, you have failed.

Coming soon: How to dress like James May.