Having dispensed with Clarkson, the cosplay colossus, it’s time to devote our attention to the diminutive fashion delight that is Richard Hammond. For anyone wishing to swipe his style – and far be it from us to question your motives, in our minds there are a LOT of Top Gear fancy dress parties to attend – there are a few basic rules you’ll need to follow.
1: Hair – getting the Hammond hair is trickier than you might think. It’s a style which betrays a certain amount of styling – more so than either of his co-hosts, at any rate – but which is also unattended, to a very specific level. Think if it as being like the school prefect who has just discovered the thrills of breaking the rules here and there. The short-back-and-sides has long since grown out into an unruly shag, but it still has shape. If you’re untroubled by hair, get yourself a Beatle wig and give it some volume in the right places using, y’know, hair products (or sump oil, if you’re at all worried about looking vain).
2: Teeth – whitened (allegedly). Use a cut-up plastic cup if your own teeth don’t quite make the grade.
3: Shirt – again, the look you’re aiming for is of someone who spends a little bit more on his clothes than the other two. So the shirts are of a noticably more modern design and cut. But not too modern. The true Hammond will rock a shirt that makes him look like a dandy, unless he is in the company of an actual dandy. Oh and nothing too bright. Even the white shirts are off-white. Oh and never, ever tuck them in.
4: Jacket – sports jackets in dark colors are a particular favorite. Or something leathery and mid-length. Black leather or tan suede, preferably. Avoid the blouson or anything that puffs out unduly. Hammond’s clothes all have that retro ’70s cut to them. Speaking of which…
5: Trousers – jeans. Stone-washed and boot-cut. And expensive-looking. The classic Hammond looks like an off-duty rock star at his child’s nativity.
6: Shoes – the only deviation from the ’70s cut. Flat-soled, flat-toed shoes in grey or black, with some intricate stitching somewhere. Nothing too heeled or pointy, or cheap.
Accessories: Something stringy to go around the wrist is a must, maybe one of those copper arthritis bracelets too. Also… how can I put this delicately? Ah yes. If you’re going to dress as Richard Hammond, your corresponding Clarkson and May have to be noticably taller than you are. So if you’re a six-footer, cultivate some friends with very long legs (or a pair of stilts).
If at the end of all this you don’t look at least a little bit like the younger brother of Davy Jones from the Monkees, you have failed.
Coming soon: How to dress like James May.