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Billie Piper

We’ve all done foolish things in our youth. I, for example, was once caught drunk on the back of a friend’s motorbike, no helmet, at the tender age of 16. So let us not judge too harshly the youthful antics of Billie Piper, who has recently admitted to being something of an animal bully.

Apparently, she used to find stray animals – by which we mean cats and dogs, it’s not like Britain is overrun by wolves and rhinos – and throw them into the air, for fun. This is, clearly, a rotten thing to do, and the guilt has followed young Billie ever since. And it’s because of this guilt that she has decided to come clean.

She told the Guardian Weekend magazine, “[I would like to change] My throwing animals phase. I used to pick up animals on the street and launch them as far as I could.”

Suprisingly, PETA have reacted to this confession rather well. A PETA spokeswoman told WENN: “PETA is very happy to hear that Ms Piper regrets the casual cruelty that she perpetrated against animals when she was a child – that’s the difference between a person with the real potential to be kind and someone who denies wrongdoing, takes pleasure in it and escalates the damaging behaviour.

“Psychiatrists and sociologists can attest that in cases where animal abusers do not regret their ill deeds, they often ‘graduate’ to committing violent acts against human beings – unless someone intervenes to change their path… We will be asking Ms Piper to be a spokesperson for our campaign to sensitise children, parents and teachers to the need to develop compassion in childhood through humane-education training in schools and at home.”

You know what’d be extra effective? If she took a dalek with her.

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Filed Under: Billie Piper, Doctor Who
By Fraser McAlpine