Amy Winehouse as the new Doctor Who?

Stop playin’, man.

Girlfriend can barely remember the words to her own songs, much less throngs of dialogue. And imagine how the TARDIS would smell after she’s been there – it would make David Tennant and his fart cloud seem like a walk through a forest of honeysuckle.

In a first for both artists, Dizzee Rascal and Calvin Harris claim the No. 1 spot with their collaboration, “Dance Wiv Me.” Swedish DJ-cum-pornstar Basshunter also jumped into the top 5 with his follow-up to his No. 1 smash, “Now You’re Gone.”

1. Dizzee Rascal and Calvin Harris – Dance Wiv Me
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Download Dizzee Rascal and Calvin Harris’ “Dance Wiv Me”

2. Ne-Yo – Closer
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Download Ne-Yo’s “Closer”

3. Basshunter – All I Ever Wanted
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4. Jordin Sparks ft. Chris Brown – No Air
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Download Jordin Sparks & Chris Brown’s “No Air”

5. Chris Brown – Forever
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Download Chris Brown’s “Forever”

6. Ironik – Stay With Me
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Download Ironik’s “Stay With Me”

7. Coldplay – Viva La Vida
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Download Coldplay’s “Viva La Vida”

8. Rihanna – Take A Bow
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Download Rihanna’s “Take A Bow”

9. Gabriella Cilmi – Sweet About Me
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10. Busta Rhymes ft. Linkin Park – We Made It
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Download Busta Rhymes ft. Linkin Park’s “We Made It”

In other news:

A sneak peek at the Doctor Who Christmas special. Is that David Morrissey I see in there?(The Sun)
Thousands of fans tried dialing Doctor Who’s fictitious phone number, which was posted onscreen during the Series Four finale on Saturday. (Don’t click if you want to remain spoiler-free.)(Telegraph)
Russell T. Davies answers viewer emails at the BBC NEWS site. As for his involvement with the show when Steven Moffat takes over, RTD says, “I think Steven’s more than his own man. He doesn’t need me at all. I won’t write for it in the future. I’m done with it. ”
Former sidekick Billie Piper is back filming the second series of Secret Diary of a Call Girl.(Telegraph)
Current sidekick Catherine Tate says theater tickets are too damn expensive.(BBC)
According to reports, James May and Richard Hammond could be headed out the door on Top Gear due to an alleged pay dispute. May’s agent denies any row over money.
Nice gams: Gordon Ramsay slips on some football shorts for an episode of The F-Word.(Daily Record)
Footballers Wives star Zoe Lucker will host a new UK home-improvement show called Love the Place You’re In.
Not Going Out makes Entertainment Weekly‘s list of “Underrated British Sitcoms.”
Jimmy McGovern, who wrote for the soap Brookside before creating primetime classics like Cracker and The Street, will create his own daytime drama series titled Moving On. “Each episode will take place in a house where a family or individual is moving in or out,”reports The Stage.
Meera Syal, who played the gregarious Granny on Kumars at No. 42, talks about her career and late motherhood with The Daily Mail. If you weren’t aware, her husband is her former onscreen grandson, comic legend Sanjeev Bhaskar.
Former Libertines star Carl Barat will work with Mark Ronson on a “hush-hush” project.(NME)
Kate Moss and rocker boyfriend Jamie Hince? Over, according to The Mirror‘s sources.
Bloc Party gets a little Tricky.(Guardian)
Video: a jetlagged and cranky Sir Michael Caine tangled with some paparazzi who blocked the way of his pushcart at the airport: “Get out of the way…what are you, nuts?!?!”(TMZ)