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Maybe The Spice Girls took their cue from Take That, who crawled out of retirement with the adult-contemporary hit, “Patience.” If so, it’s a huge mistake. The main difference is that Take That can actually sing. The Spice Girls always excelled at frivolous, candy-coated dance singles – “Wannabe,” “Say You’ll Be There,” “Spice Up Your Life” – which didn’t require precision pitch.

The Spice Girls’ comeback single “Headlines” is an inspirational ballad, and boy, did they miss the boat with this one. How can Mel C. in good conscience slag off Westlife for making crap music when they release this soupy throwaway as their first single? Granted, Mel C.’s solo, beginning at 1:36, is the best part of the song; she’s still the group’s only truly competent singer. Had the rest of “Headlines” been sung with such energy, they may have had an ace tune on their hands. But the vocals elsewhere are oddly dispassionate and as thin as Victoria Beckham’s wrists. Well, how passionate would you be singing trite lyrics like “I hold on to my hero/My faith in love to fly.”

And here I was just yesterday saying how great The Spice Girls reunion would be for pop music. Don’t make a liar of me, girls. I expect much better from your second single.

In other news

  • Mel C. fears that the Spice Girls reunion will trigger a relapse of her anorexia.(Daily Mail)

  • The size of Amy Winehouse‘s hair is inversely proportionate to the size of her ego. She tells The Mirror: “I’m quite an insecure person. I’m very insecure about the way I look. I mean, I’m a musician, I’m not a model. The more insecure I felt, the more I’d drink. And to Tracey Trash, who does my hair, I’d be like, ‘Bigger! Bigger!’ – like the more insecure I feel, the bigger my hair has to be.”
  • Leona Lewis‘ “Bleeding Love” is leading Take That‘s “Rule the World” in mid-week singles sales, but both are being trounced by McFly.(The Sun)
  • Girls Aloud singer Nicola Roberts makes an ungainly exit from a cab. Thank God she was wearing knickers.(The Sun)
  • “Yorkshire rockers One Night Only combine the snarling arrogance of Oasis with the chirpy, jangly guitar-pop of The Libertines,” says The Sun. Which makes them, I dunno, like every other flippin’ British band out there?
  • The TimesPete Paphides has done the first official review of Britney Spears‘ new album – and he says it’s great.
  • Goldfrapp keyboardist Will Gregory has scored a silent film.(NME)
  • Led Zeppelin are releasing a 165-track digital box set on iTunes.(NME)
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Filed Under: The Spice Girls
By Kevin Wicks
Kevin Wicks is the founding editor of Anglophenia.