Say It Ain’t So: Krystle Whoops Alexis’ Ass For Real!

I grew up watching Dynasty, so reading this story is a little like being a kid and seeing your dad get beaten up by your next-door neighbor: Joan Collins and her formerco-star/rival Linda Evans were on tour together in the play Legends, a show about – get this – two “faded stars who hated each other for years but got the chance to make a comeback if they could work together again.”

Yes, I’m sure they had to dig deep for that one. Well, in the years since Dynasty, Ms. Evans obviously forgot how to “stage slap” because Ms. Collins says she was beaten, permanently scarred, and nearly lost her life due to Evans’ abuse. From The Daily Mail:

“Joan ended the tour with a sprained knee, a scar on her hand, and almost choked to death,” a spokesman for the star told the New York Post.

“Evans kicked Joan’s hand so hard that she now has a permanent scar and cannot wear a ring on her right hand.”

He added that Miss Collins spent five weeks in therapy for treatment to her injured hand.

Evans’ spokesperson denies the injuries ever happened. I find it hard to believe, too: judging from her Footballers Wive$ catfights with Zöe Lucker, Ms. Collins still packs a major wallop. At a spry 73, the woman’s no wilting lily. What, did Linda smuggle some brass knuckles and lead-pointed stilletos into the performances? Either way, it’s a sad day for aging soap bitches and the sadsack queens who love them.

In other news:

  • Photos of Michelle Ryan (EastEnders) as the Bionic Woman.(Daily Mail)
  • Bryan Ferry‘s Marks & Spencer contract has not been renewed: was it because of his Nazi remarks?
  • Dust off the guillotines: Trudie Styler, who lost a sex-discrimination lawsuit against her former chef, compares herself to a certain ill-fated, 18th century French monarch. In a statement, Styler, wife of Sting, says, “It was as if the chairman of the tribunal viewed me as Marie Antoinette, reclining on my chaise longue, issuing forth imperious commands from my boudoir.”(Mirror)
  • The Independent‘s Andy Gill looks at the cult of Ian Curtis.
  • Alan McGee talks about the state of the music business in The Independent: “The only thing a major has over an independent is money. Nowadays, creating a dedicated fanbase is what is most important for bands, and they do this by playing live and getting an online following. I book new acts for my clubs through MySpace because it’s a good way to get in contact with thousands of bands.”
  • Bill Nighy, who is having the best run of his career, talks to The Times about Pirates of the Caribbean and his past addiction to alcohol. He’s been sober 15 years. “The most significant thing that ever happened to me was when I stopped. I take it very seriously, and I am very grateful that I no longer have to do any of that.”

Kevin Wicks

Kevin Wicks founded BBCAmerica.com's Anglophenia blog back in 2005 and has been translating British culture for an American audience ever since. While not British himself - he was born and raised in St. Louis, Missouri - he once received inordinate hospitality in London for sharing the name of a dead but beloved EastEnders character. His Anglophilia stems from a high school love of Morrissey, whom he calls his "gateway drug" into British culture.

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