Ashes to Ashes, Funk to Funky, We Know Cokehead Keef’s a Junky…

Whether or not he actually inhaled his father's remains (it certainly wouldn't be a shocker if he did), Keith Richards has a wonderfully morbid sense of humor. The spokespeople for The Rolling Stones are stepping all over themselves to deny that the snorting incident actually happened. "File under April Fools' joke," says one. "Said in jest," says another. "Can't believe anyone took [it] seriously." But this ghoulish nugget has nonetheless overshadowed many other choice quotes from Richards' interview with NME. First off, he bulldozes most of British guitar rock in a few sentences:

"Everyone's a load of crap. They're all trying to be somebody else and they ain't being themselves. The Libertines, Arctic Monkeys, Bloc Party? Load of crap, load a crap. Posers, rubbish. There ain't nothing out there that's worth sh*t. I listen to the real sh*t, I don't listen to bullsh*t. I listen to my sh*t, baby, Motörhead, reggae, Moroccan music. All kinds of sh*t."

Sh*t! Not one to be uncharitable, he also has advice for Pete Doherty:

"My advice for Pete Doherty in particular, though, is that he should shut the f*ck up and leave her [Kate Moss] alone. I don't know the man, all I know is he's pushing his luck, and there it is, but so is Kate, who I know very well. Kate wants to play with bad boys, and she's done one, and then another one, and then another one. Badabing, badabang, badaboom! She'll live, the boys will die. It's just copycat bullsh*t. I did it because that was the way I did it, now people think it's a way of life."

I think we can chalk that up to good old, time-earned wisdom. The man has clearly done and seen it all.

Pete Doherty and Kate Moss are documenting their life with a small camcorder. A source in The Sun sums it up well: "They think it's cool and romantic, like something John Lennon and Yoko Ono would have done. But in reality it's all rather embarrassing and far more Jordan and Peter Andre."

In other news:

• Is Gwyneth Paltrow pregnant again?
• Jerry Hall wants to be a Grandma and pushes her 23-year-old daughter, Elizabeth Jagger, to get preggers. "I keep saying to Lizzie, 'You have one and I'll keep it.' It'll be a fantastic thing when it happens."
• Thom Yorke's cryptic messages on the Radiohead website have led some to believe he's cracking up. C'mon…that ship has sailed. (Gigwise)
• Dannii Minogue, Kylie's little sis, is said to be in final talks to join Sharon Osbourne and Simon Cowell as a judge on X-Factor. (Daily Mail)
• "Infamy! Infamy! They've all got it in for me!" from the 1964 comedy Carry On Cleo was voted the best one-liner in a UK movie poll. (BBC)
• Duran Duran bassist John Taylor's house got robbed. A safe and other items were taken, reports The Sun.
• Bad sign: The Sun notes that Mel B.'s baby girl was born on Eddie Murphy's birthday.
• Mel C. has offered to support Take That on tour, reports The Sun's Victoria Newton.
• J. Lo and Posh are BFF'ing. (Mirror)