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OK, this is hysterical: online gamblers are wagering big money on whether or not Heather Mills‘ leg will fall off during her stint on Dancing With the Stars. From Reuters:

A week before Mills’ March 19 debut, Antigua-based gaming site http://www.bodog.com opened bets on whether her prosthetic leg would fly off during a dance routine — and made “no” a heavy favorite.

The site added that Mills’ leg “must fall off, not be purposely taken off, during a dance routine for all Yes wagers to be graded a win.”

Oh so mean. Don’t these people have any regard for the disabled? Personally, she’ll win my lifelong respect if she whips it off and windmills it à la Fred Astaire‘s cane in Top Hat. One wonders if she’ll be allowed to stay around long enough for a major mishap to occur.

Also: You don’t have to sleep with Heather Mills to know that she’s a big moaner.

The big chart news this week is the poor performance of Robbie Williams‘ new single, “She’s Madonna” (No.16), in comparison to Take That‘s “Shine,” which spends another week at No. 1. Don’t worry, Robster: your Pet Shop Boys collaboration will be remembered long after Mark Owen and the boys are doing Vegas for real.

1. Take That – Shine
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2. Gwen Stefani Ft Akon – The Sweet Escape
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3. Kaiser Chiefs – Ruby
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4. Justin Timberlake – What Goes Around…Comes Around
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5. The Fray – How To Save A Life
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6. Mika – GraceKelly
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7. Camille Jones/Fedde Le Grand – The Creeps
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8. Kelis Ft Cee Lo -Lil Star
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9. The Gossip -Standing in the Way of Control
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10. Nelly Furtado – Say It Right
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In other news:

  • It’s official: Kate Moss is the new Linda McCartney, and Pete Doherty‘s Babyshambles bandmates aren’t happy.(Daily Mail)

  • Meanwhile, Mossy gives a rare interview to British Vogue and reveals that maybe it’s best for her not to speak after all.(The Independent)
  • No Beatles downloads yet. Yet.(BBC)
  • A financially “desperate” Michael Jackson has reportedly sold to Sony part of the Beatles catalog he owns for a cool $1.5 billion.(Mirror)
  • Jeremy Clarkson and the BBC have differing views on the fate of Top Gear.(Mirror)
  • Is Jade Goody the lyingest liar who ever lied?(Mirror)
  • The Sun speculates over whether Madonna will bare it all when she appears on Nip/Tuck. Also: Madonna is house-hunting in Manhattan? I thought we’d gotten rid of her…you Brits are letting us down.
  • Tongues weren’t the only things a-wagging after a drunken Kelly Osbourne was caught in a lesbian kiss at a London nightspot. “It was the most raunchy scene ever. There was a lot of fumbling going on, their hands were going everywhere. They couldn’t control themselves.”(Mirror)
  • Paparazzi caught Kimberely Walsh of Girls Aloud being carried out of a London club after a night of drunken carousing.(The Sun)
  • Beth Ditto embraces her flaws: “I read things where people call me a ‘fat ugly bitch’ and, you know what? I am a fat ugly bitch and it’s amazing! I feel like ugly is beautiful.”(The Sun)
  • The Horrors do their Guardian Everyday Objects video interview. “I always find pictures of people eating bananas kinda funny. Not in some childish, phallic way.”
  • Razorlight crashed their car into another vehicle in San Francisco, and oddly Johnny Borrell was not involved.(Gigwise)
  • The Who‘s Roger Daltrey…in blackface. He kinda looks like Jennifer Holliday circa 1983.(Daily Mail)
  • The Guardian gives us ten essential albums for spring, including releases from The Twang, MIA, Björk (!), Dizzee Rascal, and a radio-baiting CD from Rufus Wainwright.
  • Travis got longtime fan Ben Stiller to appear in their video for “Closer.” Biggest celeb coup since Badly Drawn Boy enlisted Joan Collins for his “Pissing In the Wind” video.(NME)
  • Amy Winehouse swears she’s gotten her act together in a Telegraph interview. And she has her newfound success to thank. “I’m drinking much less than I was before because I’m working so hard that I don’t really have the chance to go arse over tit. People come up to me so much that I can scarcely put a drink to my lips.”
  • Arctic Monkeys are coming to America for a tour. (Gigwise)
  • Naomi Campbell broke down after a marathon session in anger management, vowing to change her cellphone-hurling ways.(Daily Mail)
  • J.K. Rowling‘s Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire is the 2nd most unfinished book in a UK reader poll; James Joyce‘s Ulysses (!) is third. From The Times and The Guardian.
  • The Times provides us a he-said, she-said about the new Jane Austen biopic, Becoming Jane. Cosmo Landesman is underwhelmed and says that star Anne Hathaway “does a competent, if uninspired, job of playing Jane.” Wendy Ide is much more forgiving: “The American actress Anne Hathaway plays Austen, and while she’s no doubt inauthentically limpid of eye and pearly of tooth, she has a sparky energy that conveys Austen’s fiercely quick wit.”
  • Stephen Dalton, reviewing Lily Allen‘s Manchester show in The Times, suggests the young star do Eurovision after her U.S. tour ends. It certainly would give Pete Paphides a bit of hope, as he’s pessimistic about the UK’s chances this year: “At the beginning of the year, when Morrissey let it be known that he was willing to entertain the notion of representing the UK, he was told that he would have to submit an entry and then compete for the chance to represent his country. Faced with the joyless jobsworthy intransigence that made the rest of Europe hate us in the first place, one of the greatest British songwriters of the past 40 years retreated to where he came from – taking with him our only chance in hell of actually winning this thing.”
  • Jose Mourinhò, coach for the Chelsea football squad, will be let off the hook for calling a referee “a son of a whore.” Yeah, I’m sure he meant that in the best way possible.(The Times)
  • Richard Curtis talks to Telegraph just days ahead of this year’s Comic Relief, which he spearheaded nearly 20 years ago. Also: David Walliams reminisces about the Little Britain Comic Relief live show. “There was Kate Moss, Dawn French, Patsy Kensit, Jonathan Ross flashing his penis at people as he walked past backstage – it was a weird, stressful, unforgettable night.”
  • Russell T. Davies gives a rare and honest behind-the-scenes peek at Doctor Who to Telegraph. He also says he simply ignores criticism from the show’s online fans. “In the community of sci-fi shows, I think we’re the only one that actively ignores its online fanbase. American shows seem to court them, or pretend that they do. That way lies madness. I can’t think of a show that’s improved its quality, or its ratings, by doing it. It’s like going in search of a massively biased focus group – why would anyone do that?”
  • Billie Piper sets the record straight to The Independent)
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By Kevin Wicks
Kevin Wicks is the founding editor of Anglophenia.